Things to be grateful for

I'm not gonna lie, these last few weeks have been a bit blah for me - maybe I'm having some slight seasonal depression or just in a rut, I don't know. Whatever it is, I've just been a bit down. Usually this is my favorite time of the year, but with the stresses of work combined with the fact that we have absolutely no money, it has been kind of hard to enjoy the holidays - they are just becoming more of a stress than anything. Added on to this blahness (if you will), I have gotten caught in the terrible trap of comparing my life to others. Not that my life is really that bad right now, but of course it could always be better - we could have more money, I could be at home being a mom and making more babies, Dave could be done with school, we could have a bigger house to have more babies in, my reproductive system could work properly and allow us to have more babies, etc, etc.

I usually try not to get caught in this comparison trap, because, honestly, I realize that my life is really not that bad and we have some incredible blessings that many people don't have. Let's face it though, I am very human, and once in awhile, I get down about things.

And then of course, just as I am down, I am reminded of how truly lucky I am. While at work the other day, I learned of a patient that Dr. Vincent had read an EEG for. A 22 year-old woman with a 2-year-old, 6-month-old, and expecting her third went to the hospital with a headache. After an evaluation, she was sent home with some pain medications. The next day, her husband came home to find her lying lifeless in their hallway. After calling 911, he began CPR to try and revive her. The ambulance soon arrived and rushed her to their small-town hospital and then transferred her to UVRMC. After arrival at the hospital, it was determined that she had a pulmonary embolism. She remained in a comatose state and had an EEG done to determine her brain activity. Dr. Vincent was the physician reading her EEG and had to report the hospital that, unfortunately, this young wife and mother had no brain activity.

As I heard this story my heart just ached for this woman's husband and for her children. My heart also aches for her, as she will not have the opportunity to raise her children in this life. I could not imagine the pain of leaving this life before I had the chance to raise my sweet daughter and watch her grow.

Hearing that story helped bring me back to reality a bit - to the reality that I am an incredibly lucky woman. I have an amazing husband who loves me more than I could ever ask for and a beautiful daughter that brings me more joy than I ever imagined possible. And I realize that life could change in a brief moment like it did for that young family. But for now, my life is good, and for that, I am grateful.

Fall 2010 Catch Up

It's been awhile since I've posted and a lot of things have gone on, so I figure I better start catching up before I get too behind. Although I pretty much post all of my picture on Facebook, I also want to catch up on my blog mostly for journaling purposes.

I cannot believe that November is over and we are soon approaching Christmas. Autumn is probably my favorite time of the year and I always feel like it goes way too fast. I wish I could hit rewind to add in a few more activities and spend more time enjoying nature and the beautiful leaves. I guess I will just have to look forward to next year and hopefully find time to fit a few more things in the schedule.

Of course Autumn means football season, pumpkin picking, trick-or-treating, and feasting on delicious food - all of which we enjoyed this season.

We took Belle to her first football game together, and then I braved yet another one with her after that with my dad, Britt, and Morgan. Just like anything and everything else, going to a football game with a 15/16 month old is a much different and more exhausting experience than it used to be for me.





Of course another fun autumn activity that we try to participate in is visiting my mission president's farm in Santaquin, Utah and picking our pumpkins for Halloween. We made it a family affair again this year and went with my parents, Brittany, the Cook clan, and Jeff and Aimee. It's always a good time every year we go.


And of course we had such a fun Halloween with dressing Belle up and allowing her to go Trick-or-Treating for the first time. Rather than trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, we decided just to do the ward trunk-or-treat to keep things simple. She loved eating the candy! We decided to dress her up as TinkerBELLE, and she certainly made a cute Tinkerbelle. It turned out to be a nice coincidence that her cousin Courtney was also Tinkerbelle for Halloween. She was soooo cute and she loved dressing up in her costume. I didn't think she'd really care because she is still pretty young, but she is definitely becoming a little girl very fast and loves all things girl - babies, dressing up, wearing shoes, wearing jewelry. It is so fun to watch her grow up and enjoy being a little girl.


And of course, to end our Autumn season, we enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving - two in fact. On Thanksgiving day, we went to my parents house for a movie and dinner. We saw Mega Mind, which was pretty good from what I saw. It was Belle's first movie since she was a baby. And we'll just say that she is not quite ready for movies. She loved the big screen at first and for about 5 minutes sat on the theater stairs just watching and pointing at the screen. She soon got over the excitement and went right back to doing what she does best - running around like a crazy girl. She is such a busy body and cannot sit still for two seconds. So needless to say, it was an adventurous couple of hours at the theater. After the movie, we headed to my parents for dinner and enjoyed some scrumptious food. Unfortunately, I did not take any pictures of the event. :( I need to get better about picture taking.



Then on Saturday, we headed up to Malad, Idaho to have our second Thanksgiving dinner with some of Dave's family. It was fun to have a 2nd dinner and to be able to spend time with both families for the holiday. Belle absolutely loved being at Storm's house and playing with all of their toys. She was entertained all day, and it was probably one of the easiest days I've had with her since she was totally fine ignoring me and just playing.


The only thing that I really wish we would have taken more time to do this autumn is to enjoy nature and the beautiful leaves. I'm hoping we will do better next year and spend a little more time outdoors.


I hope everyone else has had an enjoyable autumn season. It has been for us, and we're looking forward to the winter for more fun.

Oh memories

I was just looking through all the videos on my computer, and I honestly didn't even remember a lot of them. So for a jog down memory lane ... if anyone else is interested.

Note to self: If having a day when you want to kill your dog, just pull up some puppy pictures or videos, and you will fall back in love (slightly).




Porter was the CUTEST puppy ever. I sure do miss him as a puppy.


And of course, some cute videos of our little Belle. Sometimes I forget how small she once was.






...Don't judge me for the large amount of items in the crib with Belle. I know, I know, they are all SIDS risk factors, but when we first moved Belle into her crib, she wouldn't sleep well, because she was so used to her snug little bassinet, so we had to add filling in her crib, until she got a little more used to it. Once she was used to it, we removed all blankets, stuffed animals, etc. ... but that is not the point of this blog. Just enjoy the cute video. :)



And some more. Sorry, for all the videos, but she is so DARN cute, I couldn't leave them out. :)




... and yes, it drives me NUTS that her face is covered by that stupid sun most of the time, but this video was taken by Dave, and I don't think he quite understands the importance of facial expressions in pictures and videos (no offense babe).

Almost Done.




The last one for now.

Goodbye my love

With a great deal of sadness, I must report that it has come time to say good-bye to the one thing that I can always depend on to make me feel better, the thing that keeps me moving through the day, the staple in my diet - my diet coke.

As many of you know, a part of my every-day living is dealing with pelvic pain - some days, I hardly notice it, others it is hard to ignore. Of course, as (also) many of you know, I have endometriosis, which can explain the pain. However, I have certain symptoms that it hasn't been able to explain. And I also tend to have chronic urinary tract infections that have gone unexplained. And of course, there is the issue of my early and constant contractions while I was pregnant, that were attributed to a chronic urinary tract infection and bladder spasms.

Well, today, as I was, again, dealing with this annoying pain that I am beginning to grow sick of, I began talking to the PA at my office and explaining my symptoms. She was already aware of my UTIs as she has been the one to write my prescriptions for the last couple. And so of course, within just minutes of talking to her about it, she suggested that I might have a condition called interstitial cystitis. Why have NONE of my other doctors even brought this up? I do not know. But she brought up a list of symptoms for this condition and as I read through the list, I could check off each one.

The downside to this story that has taken me way too long to tell - I cannot have ANY carbonation. Of course, with just my luck - carbonation only worsens the inflammation in the bladder and makes the symptoms worse. So after some lecturing from the PA and the doctor, I have had to come to accept the fact that I must say adieu to this dear friend of mine.

Craft Day!!!

Kathryn and I decided to have a last minute craft day because we have both been wanting to make wreaths for our doors. We decided to each do an autumn wreath and a Halloween wreath. As we were finishing up with our wreaths, Mom decided she wanted to join in the fun and do some too, so we made a mad dash to the store and grabbed some supplies for her as well and whipped hers out quickly. We also made one for Camille since she wasn't able to join in on the fun. They all turned out super cute and we had fun. We had a fun day!


Our Halloween wreaths! Kathryn's, Mom's, and mine. Mom's turned out way fuller and cuter since Kathryn and I tried to cut on costs for ours and split the feather boa used for the wreath.


Mom's cute wreath hanging on her door.


My autumn wreath.


All the autumn wreaths. Mom's, mine, Camille's, and Kathryn's.

Babysitter poll

Dave and I hired a regular babysitter (a college student) back in March and she just comes when Dave goes to class until either he or I get home - so it averages to be about 3 days per week and anywhere from 2-3 hours per day. I've really struggled to know how much to pay her, because she comes regularly like a nanny would, but doesn't take on any duties of a nanny. She is just here to watch Isabelle - no house duties, no driving, no bathing, etc.

How much would you pay a regular babysitter who comes to your home?

Belle is One!

My last post was supposed to be about my sweet girl who turned one, and then obviously turned out to be something other than that. So I am going to make up for it and do a real post about my cute 1-year old.

On July 18th, our little Belle turned ONE!!!! I honestly cannot believe that she was born over a year ago. Time really does fly and kids really do grow so fast - they grow too fast. For her birthday, we decided to have a small party for her. We invited family and a few friends. Almost all of my family was there, including my grandma and aunts and uncles. And our friends, Mike and Mel came with their little boy Ashton.

It was a small and simple party, but a good one. My sister, Kathryn, helped me with some decorations and frosting some cupcakes. It was a bright, fun, summery party! Belle got all sorts of great presents and even had fun opening them. Overall, it was a good day.

One of my high school friends made the cake, Kathryn and I did the cupcakes, and Kathryn whipped together the cute paper flowers in a matter of minutes! What a talented designer.


When Isabelle first got her cake, she was a bit bashful with it, and just picked a little at the time. But eventually she got the hang of it and dug right in. She loved it! It was so fun to watch her make a mess and enjoy eating her little cake.




It truly is amazing to reflect on the last year and see how much my baby has changed in grown. It is sad to know that she is no longer my tiny baby, but it is so fun to watch her grow and change and develop into the cute person that she is. She has truly brightened our lives even amidst a busy and stressful time.

She is the busiest body I have ever seen - walking everywhere, getting into every cupboard, climbing every stair, and moving as much as she possibly can. She loves to just spend time with her mommy and daddy. She loves to play and laugh for as long as we have energy to do so. She loves to play with the dogs and I think she almost talks to them more than she talks to us. She loves to spin around in circles and be thrown in the air. Again, she just loves to move! Sitting still, lying down, or being strapped in a car seat are definitely not any of her favorite past times. We are lucky to have a good little eater. I swear the girl never stops. She will eat anything we will let her. Although she is a social baby, she likes to pretend she's shy when people try to talk to her. But eventually, she'll give in and give them the smiles and babbles they are looking for.

Although totally and completely exhausting, we cannot get enough of our little Belle. We are truly blessed to have her in our lives.

We love you Miss Isabelle Jane!

My baby is growing up!

Our little miss Isabelle Jane turned 1 on July 18th! Although it feels like she was born forever ago, I feel like she is just growing so fast! It is crazy to me that we have left the baby phase and are well into the toddler phase.

I am sure that I am not the only person who has felt the way I do, but as we have hit this significant benchmark, I am feeling like a horrible mother. I have not been consistent in keeping a journal about all of Isabelle's growth and each mile marker. I have not written down when she rolled over for the first time or when she got her first tooth. I don't have video of her first steps. I don't have pictures of every significant event through her first year. And I'm wishing I could make up for it and remember every little single thing so I can document it, but let's be honest - a lot of it is a big blur. I may have well been on drugs for the first three months of her life (but don't worry, I wasn't) - between the recovery from the delivery/c-section, the recovery from my whacked out hormones, trying to get a grasp on being a mom, and trying to stay on top of things with work - things were definitely crazy and there are few significant things that I can remember.

Although I eventually regained a sense of who I am and became more of a normal person, life didn't get any less busy, and unfortunately, I didn't get any better at keeping a scrapbook or a journal. Although I did make a few attempts to write in a baby book my aunt gave to me, I know that I missed out on writing a lot of things down. I hope that one day Isabelle will forgive me for not being more on top of things - for not having newborn pictures, for not sending out birth announcements, for not documenting her growth each month of her first year, for not scrapbooking all the precious moments, for not doing all the things that I always wanted to do and wish I did do.

Now that this post which was supposed to be about my adorable daughter has turned into a self-hating session, I will try to make it more of a positive entry.

Although I missed out on a lot of writing and picture taking, I truly have enjoyed this last year with our beautiful daughter. Isabelle has truly been such an incredible blessing in our lives. She has such a positive spirit about her and has a way of just making you feel good. Even though I haven't been the perfect mom, the time that I have had this last year to be a first-time mommy has been nearly perfect. It has been an incredible experience to bring a child into this world and to experience this part of Heavenly Father's plan, to take part in such a divine calling. I have treasured the last 12 months and I so look forward to the future years with our little Isabelle.

4th of July

Once upon a time, my family and relatives used to take an annual trip to the Grand Tetons and camp over the 4th of July. It has been quite some time since we last went (like 10 years or so long time) and this year, my youngest sister Kathryn decided we needed to reintroduce the tradition. We have talked about it many times, but this year Kathryn actually pulled through and reserved the campsite for us, so the trip actually happened!

We camped at Colter Bay in the Grand Tetons for 4 nights and spent our days visiting some sites. Unfortunately, we were there for such a short time that we couldn't fit everything in, but we were able to fit in a few highlights of beautiful of northwestern Wyoming.

We arrived Thursday night, July 1st and didn't have time to but anything but set up camp before heading to bed.

On Friday, we hiked around Jenny Lake and up to the waterfall then took a boat ride back. It was a long hike with a baby, 4 kids, and some out-of-shape adults, but it was fun.





Then on Saturday, we took the drive up to Yellowstone to visit Old Faithful and walked around the geysers. For some reason, those geysers seemed a lot cooler when I was younger, but we still had fun.



For the 4th, on Sunday, we had our own family sacrament meeting at the campsite. My dad and uncle Bruce organized a simple and nice little meeting. I was actually quite impressed for having been such a sporadic meeting, as we had planned on attending church at the Jackson Lake Lodge, but changed our plans once we found out Sacrament was not until 6:30pm. Dave and my brother Jeff prepared the sacrament, and Kathryn's fiance, Matt, and my cousin, Josh passed the sacrament. My uncle Bruce conducted the meeting and gave an inspirational talk about the blessing of the gospel being restored in our country and the responsibility we have as members of the gospel of Jesus Christ and citizens of this country to live righteously in order to maintain the freedoms we do. My dad added a few thoughts and then opened some time for testimonies. Although very simple, the meeting was a spiritual one. It was really neat to see the priesthood holders in my family gather together and provide the opportunity for us to partake of the sacrament, and to feel of the spirit as we sat together as a family in the sounds and scenery of the mountains. I felt as if that day and that meeting was a tender mercy. The simplicity and yet strength of that day was a testimony building experience for me.

After church, we traveled to Jackson Hole just in time to watch a really lame shoot-out near the town square, walk through a couple shops, and then make our way to the baseball park for the spectacular fireworks show. The night was definitely colder than I remember past 4ths in Jackson being, but the fireworks were pretty incredible, and in my opinion, they were the best that we've seen there.




After a long and late night in Jackson, the inevitable came, and we had to wake up early to get camp packed up and head back home. It was a very short few days, but they were fun. I always love spending time in nature, I love spending time with family, and I love having new experiences with my cute hubby and baby.

Until Later

Earlier this week, we said our final goodbyes to Dave's step-father, Steve, until it comes time to meet with him again beyond this mortal existence.

After receiving the news that Steve had passed away late Tuesday night, we traveled to Blanding to spend time with Dave's mother and family and attend the funeral of the man Dave knew as his father for the last 16 years. It was a bitter-sweet few days there.

For the first time in years, all twelve children and their families were together to support one another and to celebrate the life of Steven Hurst Burtenshaw. During our time together, there were feelings of immense strength and peace. And although there is peace in knowing that Steve is now in a better place and that we will one day see him again, it was hard to say good-bye. There will be a hole in that family without him, but there will always be a blessing of the strength and unity he brought to the "BS Ranch."

Play time with Porter

Here's Belle trying to play with Porter. So cute.

Mother Eve

A couple of Sundays ago, Dave and I went to my sister's ward for church. In Relief Society, our lesson was about the Fall, but mostly centered on Eve. This morning, that lesson has been replaying in my head, and I am feeling nothing but gratitude for Eve and her courage and faith.

During the lesson, many of the sisters in the ward were asking questions and making comments about Eve's decision to partake of the fruit. I'll admit, that as that discussion took place, a bit of frustration grew within me. I feel that too often, and especially in the Christian world, Eve and her decision to partake of the fruit are misunderstood.

I feel that in most depictions, Eve as portrayed as a naive woman who unknowingly ate of the forbidden fruit simply because she was "beguiled" by the serpent. Yet, I feel that Eve was a much wiser and much stronger woman than many people see. I do not think that God's work and glory was started by a woman who naively followed the temptation of a serpent.

I believe that Eve was as so many other women in this world -- she was smart, strong, faithful, and willing to do anything for her God and her family. As a woman, she was already a mother with the instincts of one. I believe when she partook of that fruit, she knew what she was doing and why she was doing it. She understood her divine calling to be a mother, and that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth was the greater commandment. She understood her purpose in God's eternal plan and she expressed great courage in making sure she fulfilled her divine calling.

Just as we are all indebted to our mothers, we are indebted to Eve for her great sacrifices in moving the plan of our Heavenly Father forward.

Happy 60th!

Yesterday was Dave's step-dad's 60th birthday. Although a day late, we had a surprise party for him and most of his kids, step-kids, and grandkids, all came to Blanding to celebrate. It was a special gathering as Steve is an incredible father, step-father, father-in-law, and grandfather. Devon and Storm did a great job of planning the surprise and putting together a video of pictures of Steve and his family. It was good to be with family today and to feel the strength and love of the "BS Ranch."


Dave and Belle waiting to surprise Steve:



Steve arriving to his big surprise (just after getting out of the hospital for knee surgery):


The family all gathered together watching the video. (This is only part of the big bunch.)


Cute little Belle having fun in the rope swing in Grandma and Grandpa's front yard.

i LOVE this girl

Lemonade

I think we all know the old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, I think I have officially tasted some lemonade today.

It's not that life has been full of trials and tribulations lately; we have definitely experienced harder times during our married life. However, it also has not been the ideal situation for us, and of course there has been a lot of wanting and wishing for more or different. It is not always easy to have me working full time and Dave going to school. There are many days (and sometimes multiple times a day) that I wish I could be at home with my cute Belle, and Dave wishes he could be out working bringing in the big bucks (or really any bucks). Of course, that's just not the way life is right now, and we know we are where we need to be for the moment even if it is hard at times.

Along with the difficulties of our situation, we have also seen huge blessings. One of the biggest blessings that I feel we have received and of which I have tasted today, is the growing bond between Dave and his baby Belle. Dave has had the privilege of staying at home with our cute girl while he is attending school full time. It has been incredible for me to watch his love for her grow and the connection that has developed between them. Not all dads are lucky enough to have an opportunity to spend so much time with their children. So we consider ourselves truly lucky that he is getting this time with her and creating a special bond that will hopefully carry on throughout our lives.

It is a blessing for them, but also a blessing for me to watch their bond and to see Dave's love for Belle grow every day. I feel truly lucky to have such an incredible husband and lovable daughter. I could not ask for more.

Within a week

Copays for Doctor's visits:
$75.00
Prescriptions for everything:
$200.00
Gas to and from Doctor's offices and pharmacy:
$10.00
Bills to come to go toward deductible:
$$$ Who knows? I don't want to...
Having a healthy, happy family:
Priceless (I think???) :)



We might be poor, but by golly, we are on our way to being healthy.
Who knew so many problems could be had by 3 mostly healthy people?

Some Videos

I finally downloaded (or uploaded - I'm not sure what the difference is) all my pictures and videos from my cell phone. I had lots of fun looking through these and was amazed at how much Belle has changed and grown (sigh). I thought I'd just share some of these with you.




And she grows .....




... and she continues to break my heart as she gets bigger....




She's now almost 7 months old! Guess I better start recording some more videos.

Is she not the cutest baby you have ever seen?!!!

6 Months Old!!! (+ a couple weeks)

Make a Smilebox picture slideshow

I know I'm a little behind with the whole six month mark, but I'm sorry, my life is busy. Who knew life would be so crazy as a working mom? Life is crazy enough with just one child, I don't know how all those moms of multiple kids do it.

Anyway, so our precious little Belle is now over 6 months old! I cannot believe how big she is! And I can't believe I had her that long ago. It is such a bitter-sweet thing to watch her grow. It's sad that I don't have my tiny baby anymore, but it is so fun to watch her little personality grow and develop. Although she can be a lot to handle at times, she is truly a bundle of joy. Besides her increasing desire to be held all the time, she is generally a pretty easy baby. She is definitely a happy baby who loves to laugh and smile. Unfortunately, I'm just not that good at catching those smiles and giggles on camera. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch a few so we can remember her sweetness as a baby.

She's not crawling yet, but tries to be on the move as much as possible. She is definitely a busy body. She rolls around on the floor to try and get from place to place, and gets frustrated at times that she can't quite move as much as she'd like to. I know I may regret my words, but sometimes I just can't wait for her to start crawling to help ease her frustrations.

She's a good little eater (as she always has been - as is apparent by her cute chubs). She has loved every bit of food we've given her thus far.

As far as talking, sometimes she's a little chatter box, and it is sooo cute. She loves to say "da,da,da,da" and "ma,ma,ma,ma,ma." And when she's fussy, she says, "na,na,na,na,na."

Since I cannot afford to get professional pictures done, I just decided to take a few of my own. And because I could not decide on a cute outfit for her to wear, I decided that nothing could be better than seeing her cute, chubby rolls. I hear they will go away soon, so I figured I could at least capture those on camera. :) Hope you enjoy!