I'm not gonna lie, these last few weeks have been a bit blah for me - maybe I'm having some slight seasonal depression or just in a rut, I don't know. Whatever it is, I've just been a bit down. Usually this is my favorite time of the year, but with the stresses of work combined with the fact that we have absolutely no money, it has been kind of hard to enjoy the holidays - they are just becoming more of a stress than anything. Added on to this blahness (if you will), I have gotten caught in the terrible trap of comparing my life to others. Not that my life is really that bad right now, but of course it could always be better - we could have more money, I could be at home being a mom and making more babies, Dave could be done with school, we could have a bigger house to have more babies in, my reproductive system could work properly and allow us to have more babies, etc, etc.
I usually try not to get caught in this comparison trap, because, honestly, I realize that my life is really not that bad and we have some incredible blessings that many people don't have. Let's face it though, I am very human, and once in awhile, I get down about things.
And then of course, just as I am down, I am reminded of how truly lucky I am. While at work the other day, I learned of a patient that Dr. Vincent had read an EEG for. A 22 year-old woman with a 2-year-old, 6-month-old, and expecting her third went to the hospital with a headache. After an evaluation, she was sent home with some pain medications. The next day, her husband came home to find her lying lifeless in their hallway. After calling 911, he began CPR to try and revive her. The ambulance soon arrived and rushed her to their small-town hospital and then transferred her to UVRMC. After arrival at the hospital, it was determined that she had a pulmonary embolism. She remained in a comatose state and had an EEG done to determine her brain activity. Dr. Vincent was the physician reading her EEG and had to report the hospital that, unfortunately, this young wife and mother had no brain activity.
As I heard this story my heart just ached for this woman's husband and for her children. My heart also aches for her, as she will not have the opportunity to raise her children in this life. I could not imagine the pain of leaving this life before I had the chance to raise my sweet daughter and watch her grow.
Hearing that story helped bring me back to reality a bit - to the reality that I am an incredibly lucky woman. I have an amazing husband who loves me more than I could ever ask for and a beautiful daughter that brings me more joy than I ever imagined possible. And I realize that life could change in a brief moment like it did for that young family. But for now, my life is good, and for that, I am grateful.
