Today started out as a bit of a hard one for me. First of all, it has just been an exhausting few weeks, and I pretty much had zero motivation to do anything. Second, it was yet another disappointing day in the fertility department. It's that time of month when I should be ovulating, but of course I am not. I have been working so hard to try and get my hormones balanced and I recently had a procedure done to open up my fallopian tubes, which caused a whole lot of problems, but then lead to some changes that made me hopeful that maybe things were on the up and up. I was REALLY hoping that my body was going back to normal, but I checked my lab results from yesterday, and things are only getting worse - not better. :( So I started my day a bit depressed and remained depressed for much of the day.
.... But then, Dave went to the BYU game and Belle and I had some girl time (which we have seemed to have a little more of lately) and although we missed Daddy, it was kind of nice to just hang out with each other. As we sat at the counter eating our $5 pizza, Belle was singing and talking and just being her cute self. And I just sat and watched her in amazement. She is SUCH a cute girl who is so full of life. I feel truly lucky to be her mom. As I watched her, I wondered, "Are all kids this cute?" Obviously, I'm biased and I just don't think anyone is as cute as she is. But honestly, sometimes I just think that she is such a special person with such a gift to brighten a person's day. And sometimes I really do wonder if all parents are as lucky as I am to have a child with the enthusiasm and happiness that Belle has.
For those few minutes that I watched her, I had a feeling of peace, and the thought that although I am not currently able to bring the blessing of another child into our home, I am so lucky to enjoy the blessing of having more one-on-one time with her. I am lucky to develop a closer relationship with her while she is our only child. I am lucky to enjoy her cute personality as much as I possibly can with my undivided attention.
I obviously still long for another child, and I long to provide the blessing of a sibling to Belle, but for now we will enjoy this special bonding time, and I will enjoy spoiling my only child.
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As I talked to Dave about all of this tonight, we talked about all the super cute things that Belle does, and I decided I need to write those cute things down so that I never forget them. So here are just a few of the cute things about my girl:
- She sings ALL the time and I love it. She loves learning new songs and she even loves making up her own songs. It is one of my favorite things to hear her when she is playing on her own and starts singing a song I have never taught her but that she has learned at daycare or nursery (such as "How much is that doggy in the window?"
- Common questions that we ask her, she now asks us. For instance, when we pull into our neighborhood, we will often ask, "Where are we Belle?" And she will say, "We're almost home!" Well, now she has turned it around and asks us, "Where are we?" And of course she does it in a little high pitched voice like we do (cuz we are silly grown-ups who talk to kids in high-pitched tones).
- She is so emotional about things and so sympathetic. When we get mad at the dogs, or she sees a sad child, or one of us is upset about something, she gets a little sad face, and talks in a sad voice, and will say things like, "Oooooh, are you hurt?" or "Ooooooooh, are you sad?"
- She LOVES babies and animals. She not only loves baby dolls, but she loves any person that is smaller than her, and she needs to be right by them giving them loves. She loves our own dogs as well as any others. And she LOVES kitty cats - so much that she cries when she has to leave them, and she continuously asks for us to get one.
- Yesterday, when we were all in the car, we were stopped at Geneva Road and University Parkway where they are doing construction, and for those who know that intersection, it is quite small right now, and it is scary if you are waiting to turn left off Geneva and there is a large truck or bus turning right off Parkway. Those large vehicles are making a very sharp turn and often come within inches of the cars. So last night, there were three UTA buses on their way to the hub, and I was cringing watching them turn and come so close to our car. Now every time we see a bus, she says, "Mommy, don't be scared," with such concern in her voice.
- She is such a girly girl, and has become girly at a much earlier age than I expected. She loves clothes, shoes, purses, nail polish, jewelry, etc. Last night AND tonight, she asked if we could go shopping for shoes for her (I am not lying, and I did not put the idea in her head). She has also become quite addicted to pink. So much so that when we were in Old Navy, I wanted her to try on a tan coat, and she refused and threw a fit because it was not pink.
- She loves to be tickled, she loves to giggle, and she loves to play with her mommy and daddy.
- She also loves to play with other kids. She often asks if we can go to the neighbor's house (any neighbor's house) so she can play with other kids or other dogs - just anyone else. (I'm not going to lie, this makes the infertility thing even harder on me because I want her to be able to have a sibling so bad).
- She loves to read books, she loves to be read to, and she loves to read books to her babies.
- She loves family hugs when Dave and I just squeeze her so tight between us. And she loves to snuggle (not all the time) and just smoosh her face and cheeks into ours.
- Tonight, when I was getting her ready for bed, I was about to change her diaper on the floor, and she pointed to her changing table and instructed, "Change me up there, don't change me on the floor." As if she is completely appalled that I have been changing her on the floor a lot lately.
- There is so much more, but this will be it for now. I will make a goal, however, to be better about writing these cute things down so I don't forget them.
Love my girl!
