Thursday, May 24, 2012
Good News and Relief!
I just wanted to make sure to post that things are looking better with our baby girl. The fluid that they saw last time in the gallbladder and bowels was no longer there. She still has fluid in her kidneys, but they are not dilated enough to a point that they are worried. We will go for another ultrasound when I am 34 weeks and take a look at the kidneys again. So we were VERY relieved after our appointment yesterday. I know we had a lot of prayers said for us and fasting, and they worked! Thank you everyone for your love and concern.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A few updates and a little reflection - my dad, our baby, and life
I apologize as this post may turn out to be ultra long and possibly picture-less. I still need to upload some photos to my computer, and I'm too lazy to do it at the moment, so if I get to it, I will add pictures later.
Life has been so crazy-busy lately, that I feel like there is hardly any time for things like blogging, so I apologize for my lack of posts for the last while. I mostly want to apologize to myself for it, as my blog has been serving as a journal for me, and I have neglected to keep it updated. However, right now, Dave is playing basketball, Belle is in bed, and my uterus hurts too much for me to continue the laundry I started, so I thought now might be a good time for me to try and jot down some updates and thoughts. Hopefully I will be able to get through it all.
I feel like the last little while, life has presented Dave and I with many opportunities for reflection on life, the gospel, the plan of salvation and the many blessings we have been given. Although some of these opportunities have come in the way of trials, I am still grateful for them. I am grateful for the chances our Heavenly Father gives us to learn and grow and to pause from the chaos of every day to reflect on the things that truly matter to us.
I think I will begin with these moments of reflection in chronological order.
My Dad
In mid-march, after quite a few months of pain, and doctor's appointments, and tests, my dad was diagnosed with cancer - non-hodgkins lymphoma. During the days leading up to (and the days following) his final diagnosis, my mind was consumed with so many different thoughts and worries, and my emotions were on a roller-coaster (and I'm sure being pregnant did not help at all with that). Although a very emotionally difficult time, it was and is a growing time for me and for my family. When we were waiting for some of the final test results, I remember praying so hard to my Heavenly Father. I prayed for peace and comfort for my mom and dad, and I prayed for peace for me. And immediately, I felt that peace. I don't think I have ever experienced such an immediate answer to my prayers as I did with that prayer. It was incredible. I did not know and still don't know what the outcome is going to be with this nasty cancer. However, I know that I have already witnessed blessings from it and I have been able to feel my Heavenly Father's love and watchful eye throughout the process. I have felt individual attention from him given to me and to my family - which is something I don't think I have truly experienced before, but I definitely know I can feel it now.
Our baby
It is interesting to me think about how different things have been for me during this pregnancy as opposed to my pregnancy with Belle. I have definitely paid a lot less attention to all the little details of pregnancy - I'm not reading every possible book and article I can about pregnancy and the development of the baby, and I am not nearly as stressed about being "prepared for baby" with a crib, and bedding, and clothing, etc, etc. Sometimes I even feel like a little bit of a negligent mother to my unborn child, because she does not get nearly the amount of mental attention as Belle did. However, I feel like I am more grateful for this pregnancy this time around. Don't get me wrong, I was incredibly grateful to be pregnant with Belle when I was, but I feel like this time I'm more aware of the true miracle life is. I think part of that might have to do with the fact that I am already a mom this time around. And I think once you have a child (as with any step in eternal progression - baptism, temple, marriage), your gain an even greater eternal perspective. Having the perspective of a mother and knowing the blessings and joy of motherhood first hand has increased my appreciation for the blessing of being able to grow my family.
Although I don't really want to admit it, I am going to admit that when I was pregnant with Belle and even after she was first born, I did not feel that "motherly" connection with her right away. Obviously, I loved her from the beginning, and I would have been devastated had I lost her or experienced complications, but I didn't feel that "special bond" that I know many pregnant women feel, and I always felt sad about it. However, this time around -- again, coming with the perspective of a mother, and having experienced motherhood now, I have been able to feel a very deep bond and love for this girl already, and that love grows every day. And I know that I love this baby girl with all my heart, no matter what road we will take as her parents and family.
With that being said, my heart worries for her. We go in for yet another ultrasound tomorrow (I think this will be the 6th or 7th) to determine whether or not we will need to see a pareonatologist. At our 20 week ultrasound (which we actually had a little early) where they look at all the organs and such, they noticed some fluid in her kidneys, which can be somewhat common, so they set up another ultrasound 4 weeks later just to check up on them, with hopes that things would have resolved and the kidneys would be back to normal. At that ultrasound, her kidneys had dilated even more, and this time they noticed additional swelling in her gallbladder and bowels. So tomorrow, we will go in for another ultrasound with a better machine to see if there continues to be swelling. If so, I will then go to a pareonatologist and go from there.
We have really tried not to stress too much over the situation because 1) the doctor told us not to worry about it too much at this point, and 2) there isn't really anything we could do anyway to change the situation. However, I am a mom, and I still worry. I worry about what the outcome of all of this could be, because at this point, I don't really know what it all means. As we have gotten closer and closer to this next ultrasound - tomorrow, I have worried more and more, but at the same time, I have also felt peace about things because I know that no matter what happens, I LOVE this baby and I will love her no matter what happens. And I know that Heavenly Father has blessed us with the chance to give her a physical body and bring her into our family. Really, beyond that, nothing else matters. No physical limitations can change the love we have to offer her.
Life
Even during the midst of trials we have experienced and are experiencing (which I know are minimal compared to so many others), Dave and I have been so lucky to witness incredible blessings from above. Really, it is my incredible husband, who is the first one to acknowledge these blessings, and to thank our Heavenly Father for the things we have been given, and for that I am grateful. I am so grateful to have a husband who can so easily see the Lord's hand in all things, and who always knows that our successes and joys come directly from Heavenly Father. And I am grateful that during our last 6 years of marriage, that have definitely not been easy for us, especially with the financial and emotional challenges of unemployment and trying to get through school, Dave has never once lost hope or faith. When I have been the weak one and reach a point where I just want to give up and I ask what the purpose of trying even is anymore, he has continued to stay strong and to push forward with faith. I know we still have a long way to go, but if it weren't for Dave's faith and endurance, I know we would be even further behind than we are now and I don't think we would be receiving the blessings that we are. I have grown even more grateful recently for the partnership of marriage and the blessing of family. It is more apparent to me every day why the central part of Heavenly Father's plan is families. And I am so grateful that I have been blessed with such an incredible family - wonderful parents and siblings, a faithful husband, and a beautiful daughter, and of course great and supportive in-laws. I am one blessed woman.
Life has been so crazy-busy lately, that I feel like there is hardly any time for things like blogging, so I apologize for my lack of posts for the last while. I mostly want to apologize to myself for it, as my blog has been serving as a journal for me, and I have neglected to keep it updated. However, right now, Dave is playing basketball, Belle is in bed, and my uterus hurts too much for me to continue the laundry I started, so I thought now might be a good time for me to try and jot down some updates and thoughts. Hopefully I will be able to get through it all.
I feel like the last little while, life has presented Dave and I with many opportunities for reflection on life, the gospel, the plan of salvation and the many blessings we have been given. Although some of these opportunities have come in the way of trials, I am still grateful for them. I am grateful for the chances our Heavenly Father gives us to learn and grow and to pause from the chaos of every day to reflect on the things that truly matter to us.
I think I will begin with these moments of reflection in chronological order.
My Dad
In mid-march, after quite a few months of pain, and doctor's appointments, and tests, my dad was diagnosed with cancer - non-hodgkins lymphoma. During the days leading up to (and the days following) his final diagnosis, my mind was consumed with so many different thoughts and worries, and my emotions were on a roller-coaster (and I'm sure being pregnant did not help at all with that). Although a very emotionally difficult time, it was and is a growing time for me and for my family. When we were waiting for some of the final test results, I remember praying so hard to my Heavenly Father. I prayed for peace and comfort for my mom and dad, and I prayed for peace for me. And immediately, I felt that peace. I don't think I have ever experienced such an immediate answer to my prayers as I did with that prayer. It was incredible. I did not know and still don't know what the outcome is going to be with this nasty cancer. However, I know that I have already witnessed blessings from it and I have been able to feel my Heavenly Father's love and watchful eye throughout the process. I have felt individual attention from him given to me and to my family - which is something I don't think I have truly experienced before, but I definitely know I can feel it now.
Our baby
It is interesting to me think about how different things have been for me during this pregnancy as opposed to my pregnancy with Belle. I have definitely paid a lot less attention to all the little details of pregnancy - I'm not reading every possible book and article I can about pregnancy and the development of the baby, and I am not nearly as stressed about being "prepared for baby" with a crib, and bedding, and clothing, etc, etc. Sometimes I even feel like a little bit of a negligent mother to my unborn child, because she does not get nearly the amount of mental attention as Belle did. However, I feel like I am more grateful for this pregnancy this time around. Don't get me wrong, I was incredibly grateful to be pregnant with Belle when I was, but I feel like this time I'm more aware of the true miracle life is. I think part of that might have to do with the fact that I am already a mom this time around. And I think once you have a child (as with any step in eternal progression - baptism, temple, marriage), your gain an even greater eternal perspective. Having the perspective of a mother and knowing the blessings and joy of motherhood first hand has increased my appreciation for the blessing of being able to grow my family.
Although I don't really want to admit it, I am going to admit that when I was pregnant with Belle and even after she was first born, I did not feel that "motherly" connection with her right away. Obviously, I loved her from the beginning, and I would have been devastated had I lost her or experienced complications, but I didn't feel that "special bond" that I know many pregnant women feel, and I always felt sad about it. However, this time around -- again, coming with the perspective of a mother, and having experienced motherhood now, I have been able to feel a very deep bond and love for this girl already, and that love grows every day. And I know that I love this baby girl with all my heart, no matter what road we will take as her parents and family.
With that being said, my heart worries for her. We go in for yet another ultrasound tomorrow (I think this will be the 6th or 7th) to determine whether or not we will need to see a pareonatologist. At our 20 week ultrasound (which we actually had a little early) where they look at all the organs and such, they noticed some fluid in her kidneys, which can be somewhat common, so they set up another ultrasound 4 weeks later just to check up on them, with hopes that things would have resolved and the kidneys would be back to normal. At that ultrasound, her kidneys had dilated even more, and this time they noticed additional swelling in her gallbladder and bowels. So tomorrow, we will go in for another ultrasound with a better machine to see if there continues to be swelling. If so, I will then go to a pareonatologist and go from there.
We have really tried not to stress too much over the situation because 1) the doctor told us not to worry about it too much at this point, and 2) there isn't really anything we could do anyway to change the situation. However, I am a mom, and I still worry. I worry about what the outcome of all of this could be, because at this point, I don't really know what it all means. As we have gotten closer and closer to this next ultrasound - tomorrow, I have worried more and more, but at the same time, I have also felt peace about things because I know that no matter what happens, I LOVE this baby and I will love her no matter what happens. And I know that Heavenly Father has blessed us with the chance to give her a physical body and bring her into our family. Really, beyond that, nothing else matters. No physical limitations can change the love we have to offer her.
Life
Even during the midst of trials we have experienced and are experiencing (which I know are minimal compared to so many others), Dave and I have been so lucky to witness incredible blessings from above. Really, it is my incredible husband, who is the first one to acknowledge these blessings, and to thank our Heavenly Father for the things we have been given, and for that I am grateful. I am so grateful to have a husband who can so easily see the Lord's hand in all things, and who always knows that our successes and joys come directly from Heavenly Father. And I am grateful that during our last 6 years of marriage, that have definitely not been easy for us, especially with the financial and emotional challenges of unemployment and trying to get through school, Dave has never once lost hope or faith. When I have been the weak one and reach a point where I just want to give up and I ask what the purpose of trying even is anymore, he has continued to stay strong and to push forward with faith. I know we still have a long way to go, but if it weren't for Dave's faith and endurance, I know we would be even further behind than we are now and I don't think we would be receiving the blessings that we are. I have grown even more grateful recently for the partnership of marriage and the blessing of family. It is more apparent to me every day why the central part of Heavenly Father's plan is families. And I am so grateful that I have been blessed with such an incredible family - wonderful parents and siblings, a faithful husband, and a beautiful daughter, and of course great and supportive in-laws. I am one blessed woman.
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