My Beautiful Belle

In addition to posting about the recent events of our hospital stay, I also wanted to post about our beautiful daughter who means so much to me. Honestly, when I first heard I would be on bed rest in the hospital, before all the stresses of work and things to do at home set in, my first thought was how I would handle being away from my cute girl and how she would handle everything. I was so worried about her and so sad to have such a tough experience for her - for her mommy to be in the hospital for so long, and then by the time I'd finally be able to come home, she would have a new sister in the world (most likely in the NICU) requiring so much attention from us. My heart was hurting for my poor girl.

After things had calmed down that night, Dave left for a bit to go to the house to gather some of my belongings as well as get Belle in her pj's and ready for bed (to sleep at the neighbors). He said as soon as he knocked on their door, Belle came running out of their house, into ours, and into our kitchen looking for me. When I wasn't there, she sat on the kitchen floor, pouting, asking for Mommy. Hearing the story broke my heart.

The next day, my mother-in-law brought Belle to the hospital to see me. I think when she came in the room, she was in a bit of shock and didn't know what to think about me laying in that hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines. At first she didn't want to sit by me or really have much to do with me at all. Eventually, she started to warm up and came and laid in the bed next to me while she played games on my cell phone. After an hour or two at the hospital, Belle was growing tired, so Grandma took her home for a nap.

However, shortly after that, I was released from the hospital, and we came straight home. I could hear Belle crying upstairs in her bed asking for her mommy, and again, it broke my heart. I immediately went upstairs to see her with her Grandma laying in her bed next to her trying to comfort her. I went over to give her hugs and kisses, and she told me, "I was crying for you Mommy. I was sad because I don't want you to be in the hospital." Her tender little voice just made my heart melt. I was SOOOOOO glad to be home with my little girl and to have the blessing of more time with her. My mother-in-law told me that from the time they left the hospital, she just kept crying for me. I am so glad that Heavenly Father answered my little girl's prayers to let me come home.

Along with many other lessons that I learned during this rare sequence of events, I was reminded of the incredible love I have for my little girl. And I was reminded how much her life is about to change too, and that I need to be here for her. I am so glad that we still have a couple months to spend time with one another and to allow our bond to grow before we introduce her sister into our family.

Isabelle is such a special person and has been blessed with such a tender heart and great concern for those around her, especially those she loves. We are truly so lucky to have been blessed with such an incredible daughter, and I am so glad she is in our lives.

Our emotional roller coaster that ended in a miracle

I am currently exhausted, but my mind cannot rest and I am bored of TV at the moment, so I figured I would try to document the recent events from last night and this morning to try and answer any and all questions left in heads from my Facebook posts, and also just to document everything that happened for us.  Last night after work, Dave, and Belle and I met up at Target after I got off work for a quick shopping trip to buy some groceries for dinner. We got home and before we were even able to get our groceries put away, the unexpected happened. Of course, being pregnant, my first stop after walking in the door was the bathroom to empty my tiny bladder. Within seconds of standing up, I felt a gush of fluid, and everything happened identically to when my water broke with Belle (of course she was at full-term). At first, I just thought, this can't be possible, my water couldn't have broken, it must be something else. So I stood there for a minute in shock and trying to figure what else could have possibly happened. But I decided that there is no way I was mistaken, my pants had immediately been soaked in fluid and the fluid continued to come out.  Dave rushed to try and throw what groceries he could in the fridge, as I debated whether or not I had time to pack a bag for Belle and a hospital bag for myself, but being that I am not quite 28 weeks and my baby is so tiny, I didn't know how much time we had, so we decided to just leave. We took Belle to our next door neighbors', and we headed to Orem Community Hospital (which is the only IHC hospital my OBGYN goes to).  When we walked in we told them we were pretty sure my water had broken and I was only 27 weeks. They asked why I went there, because if that was the case, I would need to be transferred to UVRMC to have use of their NICU. Well, of course, my doctor's office never told me what I needed to do in the event of preterm labor. So I was just praying that I was in fact mistaken and my water hadn't broken. They tested for amniotic fluid, and it came back positive; they also checked my cervix which was dilated to about a 1. So they did everything they could to prep me to transfer hospitals and called the ambulance. Within about 30-40 minutes, the ambulance was there and I was on my way to UVRMC. By that point, my contractions were growing stronger and were consistently about 1 minute apart. I started to worry that I might not make it to the hospital, and I think my EMT was a bit worried as well. He had the driver drive at a 3 (which I guess is their faster speed). It was quite the experience and during that short ride from one hospital to the other, my mind was just consumed with what was going to happen with me, and with my baby. I was in total shock of all that was going on and didn't know quite how to process everything. 


They got me to UVRMC and immediately had nurses working with me. They gave me medicine to slow my contractions, which helped spread them to about 2 minutes apart (and eventually after my second dose of meds, they began to spread further apart and less intense). Since my contractions were so close together, they gave me steroids and antibiotics right away. Normally, the steroid shot (which they give two of), they give 24 hours apart, but decided to give mine only 12 hours apart due to the regularity and intensity of my contractions (they did not want to check my cervix again, because they didn't want to cause any cervical progression, they wanted to leave it alone as much as possible). 


I still didn't really know what was exactly going on, because it was such a whirlwind, and the nurses were trying to educate me between getting me prepped for everything. During one of the "educational moments," my nurse told me that their goal was to get me to 34 weeks before delivery and that I would be in the hospital until then. For some reason, I thought they'd put me on bedrest and send me home (I'm obviously not well educated in preterm labor). So when I was told I'd be in that hospital until baby came (for hopefully 6 weeks), the anxiety set in. I immediately started to worry about Belle and how she would handle everything and the fact that the next time I'd be at home with her, she would not be the only child, and what a difficult transition it would be for us both. I worried about work (as it is literally probably the WORST time in my last 4 years of employment for me to not be there), and of course I worried about our precious baby girl and how little she would be and if she'd survive through everything, and how we'd get through it all. I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for ANY of this, and I was definitely not prepared with my home life and work life. It was just all so much for me to take in, that I'd go from moments of peace to moments of panic. However, surprisingly, I feel like I had greater moments of peace than panic. I definitely thank my Heavenly Father for those peaceful moments. 


My parents drove down from Syracuse to see me (because when we first called them, my contractions were so close, we didn't know what was going to happen). By the time they arrived, things had calmed down a bit, and I was stable and baby was stable, and we had met with the doctor and things felt a little better. After my dad arrived, he and Dave administered a priesthood blessing for me and our baby. My sisters eventually came to see me as well, and we were able to visit for awhile, which was nice to have the family support and a distraction from everything going on. Eventually, they all went home, and I attempted to sleep, which didn't really happen much with all the monitors, the IV, and leg compressors I was hooked up to. My contractions continued through the night, but they definitely decreased in intensity, which helped a lot. 


By morning, I had noticed that I didn't really feel like I was leaking fluid anymore, and wondered if in fact, I had been leaking it the whole time. Then once I stood up to get ready for the morning, I could feel a little bit of leaking (but no gushing) so I figured it was still happening, but just at a slower rate. However, after being up, it seemed all leaking had stopped (which was kind of weird, but I figured maybe it's just cuz I was sitting or laying down the whole time). At about 10ish, they took me to the neonatal unit for an ultrasound and to meet with a neonatalogist. The ultrasound was looking good, and the sonographer seemed quite surprised at the level of amniotic fluid I still had considering a rupture. So the neonatalogist came in to look at things. She decided that she would repeat the test for amniotic fluid plus send it to the lab for an amniosure (??) test for a more thorough result. Surprisingly, ALL of my tests came back negative. Everyone was slightly baffled, and the doctor had a few different possibilities to explain everything, although nothing could be certain. But based on everything, it seems the most likely thing that happened is I did have a small tear that ended up healing itself. She said that is EXTREMELY rare, but possible. Normally when it happens, it is because the tear is caused by an external source, like a needle going into the sac for an amniocentesis. So it is really rare, that I would naturally have such a small tear on my own. Although rare and surprising, we can't really come up with another explanation besides a pure miracle. 


I keep questioning everything that happened and wondering if I was just making everything up in my head, because I just can't imagine that the Lord would bless me with such an incredible miracle. It would just make more sense to me that I imagined it all. But then I think back on everything, and I cannot deny any of it. I cannot deny the gush of fluid, I cannot deny the original test done, I cannot deny the onset of close contractions. And when I look back at it all, I am still kind of in awe that we would be sooooooo blessed for everything to be suddenly better. I think of all the other moms who experience  a pre-term rupture, and who do not get lucky like we did. And I don't know why we were chosen to receive this incredible blessing. I don't know if the Lord needed us to learn some lessons (which I do feel like I have learned a lot over the last 24 hours with everything that went on); or if it just simply was definitely not this baby girl's time to come to this earth. I can't explain any of it, and I don't know that I will ever know the reason behind everything. All I now is that the Lord has taught me a lot. And I know that I cannot even express the gratitude I feel for all that I have been given. 


The Lord has blessed our baby with more time to grow and develop. He has blessed me with more time to spend with Isabelle before our lives are drastically changed. And He has blessed us with the knowledge that we have SUCH immense support around us - incredible neighbors and ward members who are willing to step in at any time to help us, which is so humbling to me. More than anything, He has blessed us with an opportunity to strengthen our testimonies in the power of prayer and the power of the priesthood. I don't think I have ever had a more real personal experience in my life where I have seen the direct and immediate blessings of both. And I feel undeserving of this experience as I feel like I lack so much faith to be able to be given such blessings. However, I am grateful. I pray that we continue to be blessed with time for our baby to grow and develop. And I pray that our Heavenly Father will know how truly grateful we are.