I have been wanting to write a post for a few days now about some of my recent thoughts and feelings on being a working mom, but of course, being a working mom, I've been sooooooo busy and so tired that I haven't gotten to it yet. :) Well, hopefully, I'll be able to remember all the thoughts I've been wanting to share to get them into this post.
On occasion the topic of working mom vs. stay-at-home mom comes up in church meetings, with co-workers, with friends, and with family. When the conversation comes up, I know that many times, judgement comes into play as well. I have heard stay-at-home moms often feel judged by working moms, and vice-versa. Which, honestly, I think is sad. It is sad that anyone would judge another on such intimate and personal decisions and sacrifices another family and person makes. I will admit that there have been few times where I have felt judged by another person for my decision to be a working mom, but I normally don't let it bother me, because I know that they do not understand my family's situation and they do not understand our needs and motivations. For the most part though, I feel like I am surrounded by supportive friends, family, ward members, and co-workers, so I haven't felt that "judgment" very harshly or fully in my own life.
For some reason though, I feel like I have grown a little more sensitive to the views of other people and I have felt an increase in being "judged" by others. It could be that I am expecting my second child and I am getting questioned about my work more often, and it could also be that I am pregnant, and more hormonal, and therefore just more sensitive than I usually am. No matter the reason, it has caused me to think a lot about the debatable topic.
I still don't feel like I really allow myself to get offended by others, because I feel like when it comes down to it, I have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings toward working moms that stay-at-home moms have, so I understand where they are coming from. It just so happens to be that I am in a different situation than they are, so I also know that their view might be a little bit more limited than mine (as mine is also more limited than theirs in a different way).
If there is one thing before anything else that I would like EVERYONE to know and understand about me, it is that I LOVE my family more than anything in this world. I love my children more than I could ever express to anyone in words, and I would do ANYTHING for them. I know and understand the divinity and sanctity of my calling as a mother, and I take it very seriously. I do ache to be able to spend more time at home with my little Belle and I ache to be able to spend more time at home when our new baby girl is born. I want them to know how much I love them; I want to be involved in all aspects of their growth and development; and I want to teach them their numbers and letters; I want to teach them to say please and thank you; I want to teach them about life; I want to take them to swim and dance lessons. In fact I want all those things so badly, that I make sure to do everything I can to keep as much involvement as possible in their lives. When I am not at work, I try to be with my daughter as much as I can. I do not involve myself in other hobbies or girl's nights, I rarely go out by myself (unless it is after she is in bed), and sadly, my husband and I do not even go out alone very often. And I am okay with those things, because I want to spend every possible spare moment with my kids as I can. I want to be involved in their lives as much as I can. I want my little Isabelle to know that even though I have to leave her every morning so I can go to work, that she is still going to get as much love and attention from me as I can possibly give her. I do not take my calling as a mother lightly, and I do not disregard the importance of my role in any way, shape, or form. And I am saddened if any stay-at-home mom thinks otherwise of working moms.
Another misconception that even I was guilty of before I was married that I would like to clear up, is that my husband is not lazy, and it's not as easy as him just "getting a job," and he does not take my working for granted in any way. Our situation is purely the result of LIFE. Everyone's life is different and everyone has different challenges handed to them. I work so that we can improve our life and try to overcome the challenges that we have encountered. I am working to support my husband through school as he has made a total career change from when we first married, including changing his major. Additionally, I am supporting him in his entrepreneurship goals as he has started his own business. For those who have started businesses before know that it is hard and takes a lot of work. It is especially hard when you are trying to do it while in school full time and being the main care-giver of a toddler. But he continues to work hard and has worked to grow the business and see things through. It has been a slow process, but a sure process. And he is doing all that he can to be the best husband, father, and provider he can be for our family.
I do know that many working moms do choose to work when financially they do not have to, and I am definitely not one to judge them for their choices, because maybe being a working mom makes them a better mom to their kids. I understand that there are different reasons for everybody for their life situation and for their choices. All that I hope and wish of them is that they are using prayer in their decisions and considering the needs of their families. If they are involving Heavenly Father in their decisions and keeping the needs of their family as #1, then I trust the choices they make are what is best for them, and that is all that matters.
Although there are many moms who "choose" to work, I'm sure it is no secret to most that my first choice would be to stay at home with my kids. However, I have made the choice to work outside the home for now because ultimately, it is the BEST decision for my family at the moment. I value work, I value self-reliance, and I value partnership in a marriage and I want to teach my children those principles. If I were not working right now, I would not be living those principles and would therefore not be teaching them.
Work is usually not easy, and it always requires sacrifice, but it is an eternal principle. I want my children to learn to be hard workers. I also want them to appreciate any opportunity they are given to work (as there are so many people who would do anything to find a job). And I want them to know that work is and essential part of a healthy and fulfilling life. I work hard to EARN an income to help provide for my family, and I would not want our food and shelter and clothing provided to us in any other way. I want to do everything I possibly can to deserve the blessings we receive.
Which leads me the principle of self-reliance. Although many times there are legitimate needs for charities, donations, welfare, and outside support, I am lucky enough to be blessed with a job that allows us to bring in money to provide for ourselves. As long as I am able to be self-reliant, I will. I would never choose to put my family in a situation that we would require financial support from welfare programs. (Yet again, I do want to emphasize, there are times when that NEED is legitimate, and I would accept the support if it every became a NEED for us).
And of course as I mentioned I value MARRIAGE and the partnership that a true marriage is. I feel like I am fulfilling my role as a partner to my husband right now, by supporting him in his goals to finish school and to grow his business. I am supporting him by helping to provide financial support to our family. With the same regard, he is valuing our partnership by increasing his responsibilities in the home and caring for our daughter when he can at home, helping to keep our home clean, and making meals when needed (even though, he too, is incredibly busy with life outside the home). We are both trying to do our part in any way we can to make sure ALL of our family's needs are met - that they are getting the love and nurturing that they need, as well as the the food, shelter, and clothing that they need.
So if anyone out there is wondering why I am working, hopefully, now you know.
Along with everything else that I have rambled on about tonight, I want to make sure others understand that I know ANY true mother is going to make sacrifices to be the best wife and mom she can be. I know that many stay-at-home moms are making sacrifices to be at home - they might be sacrificing a cushier lifestyle or sacrificing their own enjoyment in working or progression in a great career. For heaven's sake, all stay-at-home moms are sacrificing a little bit of their sanity. Just as they are making sacrifices, so are working mothers. Working moms are sacrificing precious time with their young children. If they are like me, they are sacrificing order in the home (because my my home is definitely not always in the state I would like it to be). They are sacrificing "play-dates" with other moms, their chance to take their child to swim lessons in the summer, going on field trips with their elementary kids, or being a classroom mom.
No matter which situation we are in - at home full-time, working part-time, working full-time, or working over-time, we are all making sacrifices somewhere. But isn't that what moms do - we make sacrifices. Although your sacrifices might be different than mine, the intention is still the same and the love is still the same. We are being mothers.
