3 Months Old!!!

I truly cannot believe it. As of yesterday, our little Isabelle is now three months old. She is growing so fast. It is a bittersweet thing to watch her grow. It is so fun to watch her personality develop and watch her learn new things, but it's sad as she passes through each stage of life and to know that she will never be at that stage again. I guess I will have to get used to the bittersweet, as I'm sure it won't change for me throughout the rest of her life.
At three months old, our little Belle is smiling and cooing more than ever. She'll laugh occasionally and of course it's cuter than ever when she does. Although she doesn't sleep much, she is generally a very happy baby.
She has already learned to roll over on her own, as she has done it twice now! It's so exciting to see her do new things. Each new development just makes me excited for the next.
We truly love our little Isabelle Jane and are so grateful to have her sweet spirit in our lives.

My Little Oasis

In the past, I have, on occasion, heard mothers talk about their only alone time being in the shower. And I always thought to myself that it was a bit of an exaggeration. I would think that there are times they can pass the kids on to the dad or babysitter. Or there are even times they could sit the kids in front of the TV while they sit and read a book or something. I just did not ever believe that their ONLY alone time could possibly be the few minutes they spend in the shower.
Well ladies and gentleman, I now understand. (I feel like I've been saying that a lot the last few months.)
When I step into the shower and close that shower curtain, it's as if I'm stepping into a little oasis away from my daily responsibilities - the baby, work, the house, etc.
Oh how I relish those few minutes each day.

Blessings From Above

Every day, as we watch Isabelle grow and develop into her own little person, I realize more and more how truly blessed we are to have her in our lives. To just think back to the day we found out we were pregnant with this surreal idea of a child growing in me for nine months and then to now see this incredibly beautiful girl in our arms in what seemed to be just seconds later -- it is truly a miracle.

Since Isabelle was born 5 weeks ago, I have now heard two different stories of mothers who recently had similar deliveries to mine - overly lengthy pushing. Unfortunately, neither of the stories turned out with as an incredible result as mine. Although both babies survived the experience, one has suffered from bleeding in his brain and will most likely have permanent brain damage; and the other has had permanent physical damage to his face and head. To think that our little Isabelle went through the same traumatic experience as these other babies, but came out with only temporary wounds to her head is truly a miracle to me.


Our Heavenly Father has truly blessed us with such a beautiful baby who is growing and developing perfectly. Beyond all other blessings that I have received in my life, this has been the most miraculous. I will forever feel indebted to Heavenly Father for the blessing of our beautiful daughter.

Introducing Isabelle Jane

It's crazy to think that today Isabelle is already two weeks old! I apologize that two whole weeks have gone by and I still have not posted any updates. However, I'm sure all you mothers out there will understand. It has been an incredibly exhausting two weeks with little time and/or energy to do "fun" things like blog.

Now that I am finally beginning to feel like a normal human being again with some energy, I am ready to start trying to do some normal things. So I guess I can update everyone on Isabelle's grand entrance into this world and post some cute pics of her.

To everyone's great surprise, after three months of regular and painful contractions, and early cervical progression, Isabelle did not come early. In fact, she came on her very due date! When my water broke the morning of her due date, I told Dave that she must be like her mother -- she likes to do things as planned and on schedule.

I'll start from the beginning and if labor and delivery stories bore you, I'll allow you to just skip forward to the pictures.

Everything started early July 18th. I woke up the night of the 17th with some painful contractions, but nothing too different from those prior. However, I had the thought, maybe the baby will come tonight. The contractions didn't seem to intensify so I went back to bed. Before I knew it, it was 4:30am and Dave was up getting ready to go to work. He was dressed and about ready to go when I woke up. I sat up in bed and said to him, "Darn it, I thought that the baby might come before you left for work this morning, I guess not." I then got up to go to the bathroom. Suddenly, I felt a gush of water come down, and as it continued to come, I quickly realized that my water had just broken. I told Dave that I didn't think he'd end up going to work after all. After taking a little bit of time to get ready, we got to the hospital just before 6:00am right as the nurse's shift was changing and I thought I was lucky and would have the same nurse for my entire labor and delivery. Little did I know how long the day would be.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was dilated to a 5 and the nurse and the resident thought that I was lucky and off to a great start. Of course, progressing to a 10 took much longer than anticipated, but I was progressing enough that the Dr. didn't want to start me on pitosin. I finally got to a 10 around 5:00 - just an hour before my nurse's shift was going to end. I was slightly disappointed as I knew that I would most likely not be pushing the baby out before she left.

Although at a 10, the baby was only at a +1 station - she had not dropped very far into my pelvis, so the Dr. Wanted me wait until she descended a little bit more. Unfortunately, little Isabelle didn't want to descend, so the Dr. informed the nurse to go ahead and have me start pushing. I had a painful two hours of pushing with the nurse and resident. Although I had an epidural, it didn't seem to help with the pain I was feeling from the baby being slightly transversed. And even with all my pushing, the baby still did not descend far into my pelvis. The Dr. finally arrived after two hours of pushing and she soon realized this baby was not coming very easily, so she explained my options - trying the vacuum, and if that didn't work - going to c-section. I had already pushed so long and hard that I was determined to push that baby out, so I opted to try the vacuum. We had three failed attempts with the vacuum, and my uterus was wearing out and the contractions were slowing down, even with pitosin. So finally after FOUR long hours of pushing, Dave and I decided it was time for a c-section. With the combination of the drugs and the last few traumatic hours, I had become a nervous wreck. Thank goodness I had an incredibly kind anestesiologist and Dave right by my side to help calm me down.

Although they had to take the baby to the NICU for some oxygen and fluids, they brought her in for me to see her for a few short seconds before they'd take her away again. Although she was extremely pale, all I could think and say was how pretty she was.

After seeing me, she was taken to the NICU, but recovered fast and was only there for about an hour before they transferred her to the nursery. I am told that while in the NICU, she was crying but as soon as Dave started talking to her, she calmed right down. She knew he was her daddy.

The next few days were extremely tough as I recovered from the effects of both a vaginal delivery and c-section. As I could not do much but lay in my hospital bed, Dave quickly took on his role as a father and changed all her dirty diapers and comforted her when she was upset. It was so amazing to watch him take such good care of our little girl and to also take such good care of me. I am soooooo lucky to have such a great husband who would do anything for me and for our daughter. Our days in the hospital were not only spent in recovery, but they were spent in decision making, as we thought and thought about what to name our new daughter. Although we arrived at the hospital thinking we would call her Abigail, she just didn't seem like an Abigail. As I held our new baby and just looked at her, I was just amazed at how delicate, fair, and beautiful she was and wanted a name that described all those things. Thus, we came to the conclusion of Isabelle with anticipation of calling her Belle. It seems to fit her very well.

We finally left the hospital on Wednesday afternoon to come home. Thankfully, my mom came to stay with us for the next week. I honestly would not have been able to get through the last week without her. She was such an immense help as I have been recovering while trying to take on the responsibilities of being a new mother. My mom cooked, and cleaned, and watched the baby - allowing me to rest as much as possible. She was seriously such a huge blessing especially while Dave was away at work. I have definitely been missing her the last couple days. However, I am feeling much better as I am off pain killers and feeling more like a normal person.

These last two weeks have been filled with all sorts of emotions - anxiety, fear, pain, joy, happiness, and wonderment as we have taken on this new phase in our lives. Although getting Isabelle here was a bit difficult and traumatizing, it was also amazing and humbling. Thinking on the experience reminds me of how blessed I truly am. I am blessed to be living in this day and age when both Isabelle and I are safe and healthy even after such a tough delivery. I am grateful for good doctors and nurses. And I am especially grateful for such a wonderful husband and wonderful family who have been so loving and supportive through everything. I am grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing us to have such a beautiful baby girl in our lives.

Getting Ready for Baby

We finally have the nursery coming together and most of the essentials purchased .... ahh, relief. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family with their gifts to us, I am feeling much more prepared for this child to come. We still have some more to get and more things to do, but at least we have the bare essentials ready.

The nursery isn't completed yet, but it's getting a lot closer. Thanks to Dave's hard work, the bead board is finally all up (with the exception of one corner we won't show) and the walls are painted. Yeah!!!!!

The only wall decor I've gotten up so far are these cute wall decals. They look much cuter in person, but you still get the idea.


The changing table we got at a garage sale (thanks to my sister's great eyes) and repainted -- looks brand new! The cute butterfly on the shelf will be hung on the wall eventually.

This is me after my first baby shower (in Syracuse). It was a great shower but took so much energy that I had horrible contractions afterward. I think my mom thought it would be funny to take a picture of me trying to get through a contraction. I didn't think it was funny at the time, but I guess it's a good documentation of what the last half of my pregnancy has been like.

This is Dave and me after our Provo shower with the clothes we got hanging on the banister behind us. We have gotten so many cute clothes! I can't wait to dress our little girl. It will be a sad story if we are one of those few who were told they were having a girl, but then got surprised with a boy (it happened to one of my friends). Let's hope we're really having a girl!

And for a quick pregnancy update:

At my last appointment on Thursday, I had only progressed a little bit from my previous appointment - dilated to a 3.5 and 80% effaced. Last night, I was up most most of the night until about 4:3oam with regular and painful contractions, and finally got to a point after about 7 hours when I woke up Dave and told him to get ready to go the hospital. Of course, once we got everything ready to go, my contractions started to become more sporadic so I decided to wait another half hour to see what would happen, and they grew further apart and less intense. Part of me was relieved because I started to have a bit of a freak out moment not feeling ready at all. But the other part of me was disappointed because I am so ready to be done being pregnant.
I tell you, I will never know when I'm really in labor unless something other than regular contractions takes place - like my water breaks or the baby literally starts to come and it will be too late to get to the hospital. I just keep praying and hoping I will somehow know when it is really time.

The Latest

Tomorrow I will have exactly three weeks until my due date. And contrary to what I have been wanting for the last miserable three months, I am hoping I will make it until then. I had a doctor appointment yesterday and found out I'm dilated to a 3 and 75% effaced. When I found out, I didn't think much of it because my neighbor was at that same point for about two and half weeks before she had her baby. Then the stress began as I began to tell other people. Come to find out it can be typical after a first pregnancy to stay at a 3 for awhile. However, with a first pregnancy usually once you get there, you usually progress a little faster. So now I'm being told that it's very likely my baby will come within the week! Holy crap! I am so not ready for this.
We are still lacking some baby essentials, I still need to pack for the hospital, I still have cleaning and organizing at my house to do, and most importantly, I still have so much to do at work to prepare to take some maternity leave! Our new office manager is supposed to start on Monday, and I still need to train her, plus finish training another girl to cover for the billing while I'm gone. Not only am I wondering if I'll be able to get everything done before the baby, but I'm wondering if I'll even have the energy. I have suddenly been hit with total and complete exhaustion. I feel too tired to even think.
All my life, I have procrastinated. Big school papers - the night before, packing for my mission - the night before, packing to move - the day of, the list goes on. You would think I'd learn, but apparently this major character flaw of mine has proven to be a problem even with something as big and important as bringing a baby into the world.

Why do I stress so much?

So, I am just wondering if all women stress to the same point that I am about naming their children. I yet again, came up with another list of names that I like that we could possibly use for our baby. I have never wanted to have one name picked out for any of my babies because I want to wait until I see and hold the baby to make sure the name fits. So why am I stressing so much now before the baby is actually here? It is driving me nuts that we do not yet have a name picked and I'm not getting any strong feelings about what it should be. I'd ask for help, but I don't think any suggestions are going to get me much further than I already am.

I am feeling like such a horrible mother-to-be. I don't have a name picked out, the nursery isn't even started (let alone, done), we don't have many baby essentials - such as a carseat, our house is in a completely chaotic state with more to do than we have time or money for, and I am just sooooo not feeling even close to ready to deliver a baby or bring one home. I think the chaotic life of a mother has already begun for me. I am there ladies -- so much to do with no time or energy to do it. Does anyone ever feel ready for a baby? Please tell me that I am not a totally horrible person for not having every little aspect of my life prepared for this little one like I feel every other mother-to-be has. Is there anyone else out there who gets to this point in pregnancy with as little done as I have?