Our little miss Isabelle Jane turned 1 on July 18th! Although it feels like she was born forever ago, I feel like she is just growing so fast! It is crazy to me that we have left the baby phase and are well into the toddler phase.
I am sure that I am not the only person who has felt the way I do, but as we have hit this significant benchmark, I am feeling like a horrible mother. I have not been consistent in keeping a journal about all of Isabelle's growth and each mile marker. I have not written down when she rolled over for the first time or when she got her first tooth. I don't have video of her first steps. I don't have pictures of every significant event through her first year. And I'm wishing I could make up for it and remember every little single thing so I can document it, but let's be honest - a lot of it is a big blur. I may have well been on drugs for the first three months of her life (but don't worry, I wasn't) - between the recovery from the delivery/c-section, the recovery from my whacked out hormones, trying to get a grasp on being a mom, and trying to stay on top of things with work - things were definitely crazy and there are few significant things that I can remember.
Although I eventually regained a sense of who I am and became more of a normal person, life didn't get any less busy, and unfortunately, I didn't get any better at keeping a scrapbook or a journal. Although I did make a few attempts to write in a baby book my aunt gave to me, I know that I missed out on writing a lot of things down. I hope that one day Isabelle will forgive me for not being more on top of things - for not having newborn pictures, for not sending out birth announcements, for not documenting her growth each month of her first year, for not scrapbooking all the precious moments, for not doing all the things that I always wanted to do and wish I did do.
Now that this post which was supposed to be about my adorable daughter has turned into a self-hating session, I will try to make it more of a positive entry.
Although I missed out on a lot of writing and picture taking, I truly have enjoyed this last year with our beautiful daughter. Isabelle has truly been such an incredible blessing in our lives. She has such a positive spirit about her and has a way of just making you feel good. Even though I haven't been the perfect mom, the time that I have had this last year to be a first-time mommy has been nearly perfect. It has been an incredible experience to bring a child into this world and to experience this part of Heavenly Father's plan, to take part in such a divine calling. I have treasured the last 12 months and I so look forward to the future years with our little Isabelle.
1 comment:
Oh Jenny, welcome to motherhood... it's all about the guilt here! You are so not alone, I promise! I have struggled with journals and scrapbooks as well. I know personal history is important but it is no where near as important as your time and your love. As a working mom, your time is even more precious than ever and is better spent with your baby that writing about her or scrap booking.
I never did newborn pics or announcements either, good thing it has no bearing on whether or not you are a good mom, huh? Because it truly doesn't! With Spencer, my first, I wrote down every first and I decided it was kind of dumb and unnecessary- no one really cares when the first tooth or first poop was, haha! I decided I don't need to focus on specific dates, just focus on being in each moment with each child and try to make those moments matter.
Don't feel guilty, even though I know as a mom, that's basically impossible, but try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!
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