Getting Ready for Baby

We finally have the nursery coming together and most of the essentials purchased .... ahh, relief. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family with their gifts to us, I am feeling much more prepared for this child to come. We still have some more to get and more things to do, but at least we have the bare essentials ready.

The nursery isn't completed yet, but it's getting a lot closer. Thanks to Dave's hard work, the bead board is finally all up (with the exception of one corner we won't show) and the walls are painted. Yeah!!!!!

The only wall decor I've gotten up so far are these cute wall decals. They look much cuter in person, but you still get the idea.


The changing table we got at a garage sale (thanks to my sister's great eyes) and repainted -- looks brand new! The cute butterfly on the shelf will be hung on the wall eventually.

This is me after my first baby shower (in Syracuse). It was a great shower but took so much energy that I had horrible contractions afterward. I think my mom thought it would be funny to take a picture of me trying to get through a contraction. I didn't think it was funny at the time, but I guess it's a good documentation of what the last half of my pregnancy has been like.

This is Dave and me after our Provo shower with the clothes we got hanging on the banister behind us. We have gotten so many cute clothes! I can't wait to dress our little girl. It will be a sad story if we are one of those few who were told they were having a girl, but then got surprised with a boy (it happened to one of my friends). Let's hope we're really having a girl!

And for a quick pregnancy update:

At my last appointment on Thursday, I had only progressed a little bit from my previous appointment - dilated to a 3.5 and 80% effaced. Last night, I was up most most of the night until about 4:3oam with regular and painful contractions, and finally got to a point after about 7 hours when I woke up Dave and told him to get ready to go the hospital. Of course, once we got everything ready to go, my contractions started to become more sporadic so I decided to wait another half hour to see what would happen, and they grew further apart and less intense. Part of me was relieved because I started to have a bit of a freak out moment not feeling ready at all. But the other part of me was disappointed because I am so ready to be done being pregnant.
I tell you, I will never know when I'm really in labor unless something other than regular contractions takes place - like my water breaks or the baby literally starts to come and it will be too late to get to the hospital. I just keep praying and hoping I will somehow know when it is really time.

The Latest

Tomorrow I will have exactly three weeks until my due date. And contrary to what I have been wanting for the last miserable three months, I am hoping I will make it until then. I had a doctor appointment yesterday and found out I'm dilated to a 3 and 75% effaced. When I found out, I didn't think much of it because my neighbor was at that same point for about two and half weeks before she had her baby. Then the stress began as I began to tell other people. Come to find out it can be typical after a first pregnancy to stay at a 3 for awhile. However, with a first pregnancy usually once you get there, you usually progress a little faster. So now I'm being told that it's very likely my baby will come within the week! Holy crap! I am so not ready for this.
We are still lacking some baby essentials, I still need to pack for the hospital, I still have cleaning and organizing at my house to do, and most importantly, I still have so much to do at work to prepare to take some maternity leave! Our new office manager is supposed to start on Monday, and I still need to train her, plus finish training another girl to cover for the billing while I'm gone. Not only am I wondering if I'll be able to get everything done before the baby, but I'm wondering if I'll even have the energy. I have suddenly been hit with total and complete exhaustion. I feel too tired to even think.
All my life, I have procrastinated. Big school papers - the night before, packing for my mission - the night before, packing to move - the day of, the list goes on. You would think I'd learn, but apparently this major character flaw of mine has proven to be a problem even with something as big and important as bringing a baby into the world.

Why do I stress so much?

So, I am just wondering if all women stress to the same point that I am about naming their children. I yet again, came up with another list of names that I like that we could possibly use for our baby. I have never wanted to have one name picked out for any of my babies because I want to wait until I see and hold the baby to make sure the name fits. So why am I stressing so much now before the baby is actually here? It is driving me nuts that we do not yet have a name picked and I'm not getting any strong feelings about what it should be. I'd ask for help, but I don't think any suggestions are going to get me much further than I already am.

I am feeling like such a horrible mother-to-be. I don't have a name picked out, the nursery isn't even started (let alone, done), we don't have many baby essentials - such as a carseat, our house is in a completely chaotic state with more to do than we have time or money for, and I am just sooooo not feeling even close to ready to deliver a baby or bring one home. I think the chaotic life of a mother has already begun for me. I am there ladies -- so much to do with no time or energy to do it. Does anyone ever feel ready for a baby? Please tell me that I am not a totally horrible person for not having every little aspect of my life prepared for this little one like I feel every other mother-to-be has. Is there anyone else out there who gets to this point in pregnancy with as little done as I have?

It's all overrated

The creation of life taking place, the pregnancy glow, the "eating for two," --- it is all way too overrated. I hate to be one of those people who complain all the time and I really don't want to be someone who complains about blessings that I have been given, but I can't take it anymore. So dang-it-all, I am going to take a moment to be one of those people I hate - a big fat complainer!

The heartburn, the sleepless nights, the breathlessness, the painful contractions, the sciatica, the crazy emotions, the fact that I can no longer bend over to put on my shoes (at least without extreme difficulty and making a grunting sound), the exhaustion, the inability to complete normal every-day tasks, the fight of finding something to wear . . . -- I just can't take any of it anymore! I am officially a hater of pregnancy. I'm not a hater of the result of pregnancy - just a hater of all the symptoms that go along with it.

I always wondered why delivery doesn't completely horrify most mothers-to-be, and now I know. I am now to that point where I would do ANYTHING, including pushing an 8 lb. child out of my vagina to be done with all this crap. Seriously, women. How do all of you do this more than once? And how do you do it when you have other children to tend to? I definitely have a new-found respect for pregnant women and those who go through it with smiles on their faces.

I'm not so sure I will be able to go through this again (and I'm not even done). My older sister tells me that you kind of forget about the hard part, so when the desire for another little baby comes, it doesn't stop you. Well ladies, I am officially posting the hard part - never to be forgotten. Now I will be able to look back at this and remember how miserable pregnancy really is.

Ok, I will be done now. I will step away from the complaining and hopefully be done with it for a long time. I hope none will take offense to my current bitterness as I do realize that the creation of a child is the greatest power and gift that has been given to man, and I'm pretty sure that once I have that new baby to hold, my bitter heart will be softened.

Grateful for the little things

This last week of being on bed rest has been kind of an eye-opening experience for me. I have learned a lot about myself and I have been made more aware of many blessings that fill my life. I am beginning to wonder if this bed rest has been for the very purpose of teaching me a few lessons before I have a baby.
Not only have I gained a larger appreciation for the small things in life - such as being able to walk and go to the grocery store, but I have also been made very aware of the numerous blessings Heavenly Father has given me in the recent years, such as a good job that allows me to work at home, an understanding boss, and an incredibly loving husband who will do anything for me.
It's sad how easily we forget about the simple blessings that have been bestowed upon us.

In addition to being more aware of the blessings in my life, this time is also making more aware of who I am and the changes that I am going to need to make once I bring a child into this world. Not being able to work as much or work at my office has been much harder on me than I ever thought. I didn't realize how much I actually like work and value work until I suddenly couldn't do it. It has been extremely difficult for me to take my focus off work and put it on myself and my growing baby. It is definitely a difficult adjustment for me to go from busy days at the office to trying to work at home while still taking sufficient time to rest. I cannot imagine how much harder this adjustment would have been to make with a baby to take care of in the mix (yes, I realize I have a baby to take care of right now - but a baby that cries and poops and needs to be fed regularly). I am slowly trying to learn how to balance my personal life and needs with work. It is proving to be much more difficult than I thought, but I am hoping that I will be able to have a better balance and system developed before our baby girl is born so I can be there as a mother for my baby as much as I can.

My hat goes off to women who 1) remain on strict bed rest for much of their pregnancies, and 2) learn to balance work and family life. Both are proving to be very difficult challenges for me and requiring sacrifices that I didn't quite realize would be sacrifices.

Home and bored stiff

So I am currently sitting at home (more lounging, than sitting) trying to relax on my couch and becoming more and more bored as the minutes pass. I need to take up a hobby I can do while lying down. Any ideas?

After a not so fun few days, my Dr. has put me on a temporary bed rest. I went to the hospital Monday night with pretty painful cramps and contractions. After a few long hours at the hospital, I left with a shot to stop the contractions and a prescription for antibiotics for the stupid UTI that won't seem to go away and which seemed to be the cause of the contractions. The plan was for the contractions to stop and all would be better.

Unfortunately, they haven't yet stopped. So, after a trip to the Dr. today, I was told I need to be on bed rest until I go two full days without any contractions. I've already spent a lot of time working (and resting) at home for the previous two days since I was still in so much pain, so here I am on my 3rd day inside my house, and getting ready to go crazy. It doesn't help that Dave has had to work late the last two nights, so I've been stuck at home by myself with my two crazy dogs. AAAHHHH! I don't know how women do it who are on bed rest for months at a time.

In more seriousness, I am really hoping that the contractions do stop and don't lead to pre-term labor and/or don't lead to me having to be on bed rest until the baby comes. I think I had a mental breakdown today thinking about what we would do if that would happen. We couldn't afford it financially, and I am so not prepared for either of those things to happen. I still have so much I need to do at work and things I want to get done at the house, and I have so many preparations to still take care of, such as buying a crib for starters. I am wondering if these orders for bed rest have actually had the reverse effect of their intentions and just put under more stress than I should be dealing with right now.

Anyway, so I guess for the next few days, I will be spending a lot more time on the internet in attempt to communicate with the outside world. So feel free to send a message or two and be prepared for some more meaningless posts.

A Week of Tender Mercies

WARNING: Very long post; read at your own risk. May cause drowsiness, boredom, and/or fatigue.

So, after being home for over a week, I am finally going to write about our week in Florida. It not only was a week of vacationing and fun, but a week of constant reminders that our Heavenly Father is aware of us.

We flew standby which turned out to be an experience in and of itself. I have flown standby before with horrible luck, but was hoping that with two of us this go around as opposed to four from my first experience, we would be able to make all our flights . . . and I was wrong. We have officially decided never to fly standby again.

Fortunately, we made all three of our flights on the way to Orlando. We flew to Vegas, then to JFK, and finally to Orlando. It was on the flight from JFK to Orlando, when I received my first reminder of how aware Heavenly Father is of me and my current needs as His daughter.
As we came to our seats on the plane, I noticed the woman I'd be sitting next to as she sat quietly just staring at the window. From the moment I saw her, I could tell she had a very heavy heart. I felt a very strong impression that I needed to talk to her, but had a very difficult time doing so.

My mind was flooded with thoughts as I tried to think of a way to begin a conversation. She was a spanish-speaking woman, so I frantically tried to remember some Spanish that wasn't a door approach. However, I didn't want to say anything too shallow, as I knew I needed to talk to her about something more than what the weather is like. And then of course, my biggest challenge was just getting up the courage to talk to her. My shyness was getting the best of me, and I could not get up an ounce of courage to approach this woman who would not look away from the window as tears welled up in her eyes.

After 20 minutes of babbling in my head and praying for courage, I finally decided to pull out my scriptures to try and gain some strength - maybe read some classic missionary scriptures to get me motivated.

The second I opened my Book of Mormon, before I could even pick out a place to start reading, this woman leaned over to me and asked me to help her. She asked me to pray for her. My heart was pounding with gratitude to my Heavenly Father and also with humility as I still did not know exactly what to say to this woman. I asked her what was troubling her. She told me that her daughter had passed away only three hours prior.
My heart hurt for her, and all I could think to say was to share my testimony with her of eternal families. I found some scriptures to share with her and with horrible spanish translation explained to her what they meant. I wrote the scriptures down for her with my simple testimony. She then thanked me and after de-boarding the airplane, we parted ways.

This experience left me with a few strong feelings. The first was a feeling of gratitude, as I felt this experience was something that I greatly needed. It had been so long since I shared my testimony with another person, let alone a complete stranger. I felt grateful that my Heavenly Father was so aware of me and my needs that he allowed me to sit on that plane, next to that woman. My second feeling was one of humility and almost shame. I felt horrible that I was not the one to speak to this woman, but that she is the one who first spoke to me. What if she had not had the courage to ask me for help? What if those 2 1/2 hours passed by with neither of us sharing a word? I would have failed my Heavenly Father and the promptings I had received to speak. I also felt horrible that I did not have any pass-along cards with me or anything to give her with the church's information. What happened to my missionary-mindedness? I used to never leave the house with some pass-along cards in my purse.

I was suddenly aware of how much I am lacking in the spiritual realm and how much work I need to do to get to where I should be in my life. I truly feel that flight was a blessing for me.

After arriving in Orlando late Sunday night, we drove straight to our friends' (George and Lana Taylor) house where we would stay the next 3 days and went straight to bed. What a blessing the Taylors were for us - in so many ways. They not only opened their home to us with such short advance notice, they let us drive their car all week, they let us eat their food, and they shared with us their incredible examples of strength in the gospel. We were and are so grateful for the chance we had to spend a few days with them.

On Monday, we slept in until about 9:00 or so and woke up to some good company while we ate breakfast and enjoyed a relaxing morning before heading off to Gatorland, where we saw lots of "Gators" and enjoyed what I might call the white-trash park of Orlando, Florida.

Then our Disney adventures began on Tuesday with what I believe to be another tender mercy from the Lord. Amongst all the favors we received from friends for this Florida trip, Dave got a 3-day Park Hopper pass to Disney World from a friend of ours. She had never used it, and even though it was about 5 years old, we had great hopes that it would still be good. When we arrived to the gate to purchase our other ticket, the lady told us that the ticket was actually not good. It had been purchased as part of a package deal that was only good for the time of the package. We kindly argued with her that the ticket stated right on it that it expired "14 days from first use." She understood where our frustration came from and tried to make a couple calls but we were not having much luck. So we begrugingly handed over our credit card to spend the FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS it was going to cost us to spend our two days at Disney World. After running our card, she told us it was declined, which was weird because we had plenty of money on it seeing as how we never use it. So I pulled out my cell phone to call the credit card company to authorize the transaction. While on the phone, a supervisor came over to the girl helping us and Dave explained our situation. By the time I got off the phone with American Express, the supervisor had authorized a complimentary park-hopper pass for us to use. I honestly think it was a blessing from the Lord that our credit card declined, because if it had not, we would not have been blessed with that ticket. It gave us the amount of time we needed to talk to the right person.

We enjoyed a very long and crazy day at Animal Kingdom and Epcot that took a major toll on the poor feet of this pregnant woman. I honestly did not think it was possible for my ankles and feet to swell up as much as they did. I quickly realized that a vacation of running around like crazy at Disney World, was probably not the best idea for a pregnant woman. But I decided to try and make the best of it anyway.

Our second day of Disney, we went to Magic Kingdom and enjoyed some of the easy going rides there as well as the lovely atmosphere of Magic Kingdom. However, after a few hours there, Dave and I really wanted to return to Animal Kingdom to go on one of the rides we didn't get a chance to. It was a river rapid ride, and those are my favorite, and I decided I just couldn't live with the disappointment of not experiencing it. So we returned to find out it was an 80 minute wait and there were no more fast-passes. Man, some major disappointment until .... yep, another blessing. A couple standing near the ride overheard Dave's disappointment and offered us their fast-passes as they had decided not to use them because they did not want to get wet. I cannot even explain to you my relief when we were able to hurry our way through that line and get to experience the shortest river raft ride of my life - a whole 3 minutes of getting drenched.

After all the excitement of Disney World, we spent the third day at Sea World with our good friends Ashley and Dan, who we then spent the remainder of the week with. Who knew I was such an animal lover? But I ABSOLUTELY loved Sea World! All the shows were soooo cute and I was amazed at how well trained these animals were. I just wish I had videos of all the shows to post so all could see them. I guess if you haven't been to Sea World before, you'll just have to go sometime.

On Friday, our last full day in Florida, we spent a relaxing day browsing through antique shops and then sitting on the beach. It certainly was nice to have a day that wasn't so busy and filled with crowds of people.

And then Saturday afternoon came and what I would like to refer to as the travels from Hell began. We didn't get on our flight from Orlando to JFK by just one seat! And then the hormones and stress of a pregnant woman who just wanted to be home kicked in. I cried, I stressed, and I frantically searched for a way to get home. We were able to get on the next flight to JFK which of course would not get us there in time to catch the flight to SLC. With the flight loads for the next day, there was no way we'd make it back to SLC within the next 24 hours, and I really didn't want to spend the next two days in New York. There was a flight we'd be able to catch to Denver from JFK that night, and I was ready to do it and then rent a car and drive to SLC, because I just wanted to be home. After getting off the plane at JFK, we frantically ran to the gate for the Denver flight as it was about to take off, then we were told a flight to Las Vegas had been delayed and was just now boarding. So we then ran down to the gate going to Las Vegas and made it on the flight! I could not have been happier. Again, I felt blessed that the flight had been delayed. If not, we would not be able to make it to SLC for another 2 days .... ughh.
After arriving to Vegas and checking the flights for the next day to SLC, we decided that it would be best to just rent a car and drive the rest of the way home.

Finally, after 24 straight hours of no sleep and staight traveling, we made it home! I had never been so glad to be at my parents' house (which is where we went first to pick up our dogs). What a trip it was, and certainly some great (and not so great) memories.

Our first and last real vacation as a married couple without children was a good one with such good memories and blessings from the Lord.