Life has changed . . . A LOT

Well blogging world ... it has been way too long since I have been around these parts of the internet. I am hoping to change that though. After reading back on a few of my previous posts, I was glad that I did post. I had already forgotten about some of the experiences and thoughts and feelings that I had posted about. So I am back. I need to blog. It is mostly for me and maybe one day for my posterity, since I have become so horrible at keeping a journal as well. So here I am to document the goings on in our family as well as a few of the ramblings racing through my head.

I have a lot to catch up on, so everyone will have to bear with me as it will take time to catch up on things and as I may post things out of order. But before I begin the game of catch-up, I should probably at least start with life as it is right now.

Us in general ...

We are still living in our townhouse in Orem. We love our neighbors and the area where we live, but do feel like we are bursting at the seams with a family of 5 + 2 dogs in a tiny 3 bedroom townhouse. However, we will probably be here for awhile longer, so we have accepted the fact that we will just be cozy for a bit. :) And we will try to enjoy it as much as we can.


Life is crazy and busy, but I have decided that it seems to just get crazier and busier every day, so I am not waiting for it to slow down any time soon. Life is a different kind of busy than it has been in the past, but it is still busy. At times I feel like our family is like a 3 ring circus and I cannot comprehend how people function with even bigger families, but I know they do so we will keep on going and try to catch our breath once in awhile and enjoy the moments of peace we do have along with the running, the laughing, the crying, the kicking, and all other things that come with this phase of life.





Dave...

Dave is staying busy and working hard at being an incredible father, a loving husband, a provider for our family, and a business owner. He is still putting forth a lot of time and effort to building his business. A few years ago, things just kind of happened (another post for another day) and we created the business DJI Enterprises. It has molded into becoming a property maintenance company. The bulk of the business is working for HOAs and providing any maintenance services from pressure washing to handyman fixes to snow removal. There is still a lot of building and perfecting to take place, but we feel blessed for the business to be where it is and what it is. We have seen the Lord's hand in bringing it to where it is and us to where we are.

When he is not working (and often times even when he is), Dave is incredible at taking care of our family. He is a fun dad who is very involved with our kids' lives and they love him to pieces. He helps me out so much in so many ways. We are lucky to have him.





Me...

I have now been a stay-at-home mom for almost 18 months. Last year, we finally decided it was time for me to quit my job and come home to take care of our kids and help Dave more in building his business. However, I have been so busy with home life that I have not been able to dedicate the time and  attention I would like to his business. Hopefully, now that Sam is getting a little older, I can start working a little more.

Life being home has been both a blessing and a challenge in many ways. I feel like a crazy person most days trying to mother three young children, but I feel like I am starting to get the hang of things (finally) and maybe one day, I will feel like a I have handle on things.












Isabelle...

Our dear sweet Belle is FIVE years old! And I cannot believe it. She started kindergarten this year and for the most part, she loves it. She is doing really well and just growing up so fast. She is currently in the top reading group in her class, she enjoys doing her homework, but of course also loves playing with friends. She also started a new dance class and is loving every bit of it. We will just have to see if she actually gets on stage for her recital. ;)

Belle is the best big sister anyone could ask for and is an incredible oldest child. She loves her siblings and she helps out with them so much. She loves to play with them and she loves to take care of them. Sometimes I almost feel like I have a little mini-babysitter to help me out once in awhile. She loves to help with most things, but she does dread any type of cleaning. She would almost be the perfect child if I could just get her to keep her bedroom clean all the time.

In addition to being a sweet sister and daughter, she can also be a little miss SASS and a drama queen to boot! That girl can sass with the best of them and dramatize the littlest things to be as if the world were ending. Many days, I feel like I have a pre-teen or teenager in my house with the attitude that comes from her. Sometimes I am amazed at the things she dares say. I don't know what we will do with her when she really is in those oh so dreadful teenage years.

Belle loves loves loves to play with friends. Even though she is a shy person with a lot of anxiety, she is a social butterfly with those she is close to. She gets bored with our family quite easily and is always wanting to play with friends. She also loves to craft and amazes me with her creativity and talent. She is becoming quite the little artist and loves to make creations out of just about anything possible. Almost anything can become a piece of art for her. And she will create that art to give to anyone she loves in her life. She loves to make things for those she loves.

Our little Belle has such a good heart and is such a blessing to our family.

Charlotte...

Ooooohhhhhh Charlotte . . . where do I begin with this girl? She likes to give me a run for my money, but she sure is cute. Sometimes I think God makes the most challenging kids the cutest kids.

Charlotte is two years old and sure is a little spit-fire. I am pretty sure the term "terrible twos" was coined just for her. I never knew such little things could result in such enormous tantrums, but if that girl does not have exactly what she wants, exactly when she wants it, and in the way she wants it, you better take cover. And I mean, literally, take cover. She hits and she throws and that girl has an arm and an unnatural strength for such a little person. But if you are ever sad or having a bad day, that little girl sure can brighten it up. She is our cuddle bug and she gives the best hugs and kisses you could imagine. I love her snuggles. I love her cute little arms wrapped tightly around my neck as she says, "I wuv you."

Our cute and crazy Charlotte has been a bit delayed in her speech (which is one of the reasons for the massive meltdowns) so we have had her in speech therapy for six months. I feel like it has been really good for both of us. She is progressing, but is still quite a bit behind for her age. She is nowhere near where Belle was at her age for expressive or receptive language. Even though she can't out-talk her sister, she sure can out-climb her. Charlotte has great balance and climbing skills and she has little fear. She will try just about anything. I don't know where she came from because I am pretty sure she has more guts than Dave or I have even as adults. As such, we have wondered about some sensory issues going on with her - such as Sensory Processing Disorder. She is definitely sensory seeking and we have now started therapy with an Occupational Therapist. We also go to a sensory class for her every week, and she absolutely loves it. It is hard for me to keep up with her sensory needs, but I am trying and hopefully I will get better at it. I just worry about how we will survive this winter being indoors, but we will try, and hopefully we will make it through alright.

Our Charlotte is a crazy one, but we sure do love her.

Samuel...

Sadly, I have not even officially introduced Sam to the blogging world, but I will get to that soon. Our little Sam is 8 months old and he sure is cute! I feel like he is kind of a mix of both our girls in looks and personality. He becomes more fun each day and has the cutest little laugh. He also has the cutest chubby legs you ever did see and is just so squishable. Sam absolutely loves both of his sisters and they can probably get him giggling better than anyone else can. Of course, Daddy is a close second. He lights up every time he sees his daddy, and it is adorable.

I can't wait to see more of our little Sam as he grows into a little person. Even though is was a very unexpected surprise, we are glad to have him in our family and I honestly cannot imagine not having him here.

Dear couponers, discount bloggers, and deal seekers,

It is quite sad that I have not blogged at all since Charlotte was born and I have A LOT of updates to catch up on. And I am sorry to say that tonight you are not getting any updates from me. Instead, you are going to get a little bit of a rant from me. I realize that there are going to be a lot of people that do not like what I have to say, they will have disagreements and arguments for some of my points, but this is my blog and these are my thoughts, so take them for what you will . . .

I feel like more and more these days with the increasing popularity of things like extreme couponing, deal shopping, thrifty thinking, etc., we sometimes lose a little perspective and thought for those people and businesses that are trying hard to keep our economy growing and trying to provide work for others.

It is quite often that I see online or hear in conversation people looking for the cheapest deal on carpet cleaning or lawn care or house painting. And although I totally understand wanting to find the "best price" for a service, I also think it is important to remember that there are two sides to every business transaction. It is important to remember that not only does the car salesman need to be fair with the car buyer, but the same respect needs to be shown the other way.

Too often consumers try to take advantage of businesses - and when it comes to small businesses, people will provide their services because they need the work or want to build good relationships and they need referrals, but all too often are losing money and sometimes eventually losing their business all together. 

I apologize that I'm about to get wordy here, but I wanted to share my own thoughts and experiences on the matter. I'm kind of a matter-of-fact person, so I'm going to try to just make a few points that I might try to more eloquently explain at a later time.

• My sister's father-in-law has always had some good advice when negotiating for things such as a car. "The best deals made are when you walk away feeling like you got a good deal, and when the seller walks away feeling like he made a good deal." (Or something to that extent - you get the point.) It is important to realize there are two sides to every purchase and every business transaction. My own father admits one of his weaknesses (if you want to consider it that) is that he doesn't "wheel and deal" with people. He doesn't think it is fair to talk people down to the point they are barely covering costs - or worse - losing money. It is something I admire about him. He supports business and commerce - he realizes that everyone has to make money somehow. Obviously, you need to find a balance because it is not fair for a consumer to be taken advantage of - thus the importance of research when shopping around for high-cost goods and/or services.

• I see shows like Extreme Couponing and it drives me CRAZY when people are so extreme that their balance comes to pennies or even in the negative to where the store pays them. That is not FAIR. Our country's economy is based on commercialism and free enterprise. How on earth is that supposed to keep going, if stores are the ones PAYING their customers rather than their customers paying them for goods that they are taking home. It is just a twisted and backward mentality that is plaguing our society right now. 

• I have been the manager of a small business for the last five years - a private medical practice. Being the manager, I spoke with MULTIPLE patients (almost on a daily basis) who were wanting a "break" for their medical care. They either wanted me to write it off because of their financial struggles, or give them a large discount, and the list goes on and on and on. I had many people talk to me with the assumption that because we were a medical office and Dr. Vincent was a doctor, there was plenty of money to spare. When in reality it was quite the contrary. In reality, it is a small business in a medical specialty that didn't allow us to just see patient after patient to help bring in money. The changes in healthcare policies and requirements and medicare reimbursements were constantly driving down what we got paid from health insurance while simultaneously requiring new software and compliance policies that were increasing our costs. Running a private medical practice these days is near impossible (financially) - thus the increase in large clinics and hospital owned physicians, as well as the increase in early retirement from independent physicians. My point in this is that not everything is as it appears. I think the general population looks at doctors and think they are just rolling in the dough. This is not always true. Dr. Vincent still had a business to maintain, regulations to meet, employees to pay, and could not and cannot afford to just "write-off" balances because her patients were facing their own financial difficulties. If she did do that, the business would, without a doubt, be bankrupt. 

• My husband owns a small business as well, and being in the industry that he is, he is CONSTANTLY being asked for free or heavily discounted services. I think that this happens A LOT with blue collar work. For some reason, there is this stigma that people shouldn't have to pay a lot for manual labor. When in fact, most manual labor is some of the most expensive service to provide. There are extremely high overhead costs with many of these businesses - for instance, Worker's comp. insurance is quite expensive to cover a construction crew; the equipment and tools are extremely expensive to purchase and to maintain; health insurance for a small business owner is expensive; and then there are the other general business expenses that all experience.  Although my husband could hire illegal immigrants for cheaper, he is honest and a law-abiding citizen, so he hires only legal citizens (requiring him to pay statutory matching payroll taxes) and tries very hard to pay them what they are worth (although sometimes we feel guilty that we can't pay them more for the intensive manual labor that they put in). Our livelihood and the livelihood of our employees now depends on customers being willing to pay for our services. However, that can be quickly taken away from us if we cannot compete with the "cheaper" immigrant down the street, or if our friends and family members will only take free or heavily discounted services. If you ask me, shouldn't we want to support local businesses? Shouldn't we want to support free commerce? Shouldn't we want to support our family members and friends? Shouldn't we want to do all these things, rather than trying to get everything for free or for cheap?

Like I said, I do think there needs to be a balance in frugal living and fairly paying for goods and services to keep our economy flowing.  Send a little reminder out that we need our economy to grow and to thrive, and that won't happen if we don't PAY businesses to stay in business.

By all means, continue to do what you need to do to save your own family money, but please also remember that those you are negotiating business deals with, are too, trying to do the same thing and provide for their own families.

P.S. I don't want this post to be taken in any kind of offense or as if I don't understand that a break can and should be given where deserved or that giving service or charity shouldn't take place, because I also firmly believe in serving others. Trust me, in both businesses I have been involved in, we have written off or discounted plenty of services when needed, and we have done it gladly and with open hearts. I just felt like a few of these points needed to be made to the general population in regards to most (not all) general situations.

Our Little Charlotte

I am sorry it has taken me SOOOO long to post about the newest addition to our little family. No one told me how much more exhausting having TWO kids is. ;) For some time now, I have been wanting to post about bringing our new baby girl into this world, so I am going to attempt to do so now and hopefully, I will be able to get everything down before a baby or a needy toddler start crying.

THE DELIVERY
With a scheduled c-section, there is not really an exciting birth story to post, but I have wanted to write about the day nonetheless.

I was EXTREMELY nervous to give birth again -whether it were going to be a VBAC or repeat c-section. My delivery with Isabelle was very long and very traumatic for us both, and resulted in a very long recovery period for both of us (you can read about it here if you do not know the story). I didn't realize how much that horrible delivery had affected me until this past December when I went to the hospital to be there for my sister Camille's delivery of her youngest. Being present at a delivery for the first time since my own triggered some major anxiety that I was not expecting. At that time, I did not yet know I was pregnant, but we had just completed our first round of IUI, so I was hoping to have a baby sometime soon. Two days after that delivery, I found out I was pregnant. And along with the joy of actually being pregnant came the anxiety of anticipating another delivery. My doctor (who was a new doctor from my previous delivery) reassured me that a scheduled c-section would be SOOO much better than what I had gone through before, and that I really didn't need to worry so much about it. .... Turns out, he was right.

We scheduled the surgery for the morning of Thursday, August 23rd. The night leading up to the 23rd and that morning as we went to the hospital, I was extremely nervous, as I did not really know what to expect. Fortunately, I had an AMAZING nurse, and of course, I really like my doctor, so they helped to calm my nerves a lot. I walked back to the operating room (which seemed kind of weird to me), and for the most part everything went smoothly. The only complication we had, was getting my spinal block in place. The nurse anesthetist ended up poking me three times (yes THREE needles into my spine) before he got it in a good space -- apparently, my spine didn't really want to cooperate. And those first two pokes HURT - like jump off the operating table hurt. Since the third poke made it into the right space, it wasn't that bad. From that point forward, everything went great. Once I was on the table and prepped for surgery, Dave came in to be with me. And things were started. I couldn't feel anything (as opposed to the first time around, when the surgery was very painful), I was fully alert since I hadn't just experience 18 hours of labor and pushing, and it was a MUCH more enjoyable experience. Sooner than I knew it, Dave told me with excitement that our baby girl was here. Very shortly after that, I heard her cry. And I was immediately overcome with joy and an incredible emotion that I sadly did not experience the first time around. It was such a sweet moment to hear my baby girl's cry, and it was a moment of relief to know that she was FINALLY here, safe and sound after a roller-coaster of a pregnancy. After they got her cleaned up a bit, they brought her over to me to see her and to put her on my chest a bit. That was yet another experience I did not get the first time as they had to take Belle straight to the NICU when she was born. It was a tender moment for Dave and me to meet our baby girl for the first time. I felt so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing this sweet baby to join our family and to do so safely.

CHARLOTTE EMILY SHUMWAY
From the time I found out I was pregnant with Charlotte, I immediately felt an incredible love for her. As many of you know, the pregnancy had its share of ups and downs, which I think she helped to strengthen the love and bond I share with this sweet girl. If there are two words I could use to describe baby Charlotte so far, they would be FAITH and ENDURANCE.

Everything about Charlotte has truly strengthened the faith of our family. Trying to get pregnant with Charlotte tested our faith, but also strengthened it as we felt so incredibly blessed when we found out we were pregnant after doing only one round of intrauterine insemination (IUI). And then starting at our 18th week of pregnancy forward, our faith continued to be tried, but was always followed by a miracle. The ups and downs started at our 20 week ultrasound, when quite a few organs of hers were dilated (read here). And then at 27 weeks, my water broke and we were definitely in for a scare (read here). A few weeks after that, I fell pretty bad down a flight of stairs. And then a few weeks after that during a routine appointment, the doctor noticed an irregular heart beat and sent us to a neonatalogist for a closer look at the heart, who then sent us to a pediatric cardiologist at Primary Children's because of her own concerns. We just seemed to have one scare after another with this little girl. And yet, with each and every scare, we ALWAYS experienced a miracle. She definitely taught us to have a lot of faith during the ups and downs and helped us to learn the true power of prayer -- as I know that there were many prayers said on our behalf on multiple occasions during the pregnancy. I was definitely humbled as I heard of the fasting and prayer that took place on our behalf. And I felt the immediate blessings of those prayers, the fasting, and the faith that went into it.

Despite the challenges the pregnancy brought, our baby girl endured, and for that, I am grateful. Not only did we have some trials to do with the pregnancy, but my life leading up to her birth was extremely stressful and busy. And I put my body through A LOT of stress. And still, our little Charlotte endured through it all with me. She truly is a special spirit sent directly from our Heavenly Father. And I am incredibly grateful to have her in our lives.

I am excited to watch this beautiful baby girl grow and develop and to see what plans the Lord has in store for her, because I truly believe that she will continue to exemplify the characteristics of faith and endurance. We love you Charlotte Emily and are excited you have come to join our crazy family!

Guilt Ridden

My heart hurts a lot lately.

I know that I have mentioned on this blog as well as Facebook how crazy my job has been lately and how stressed I am. And it is all true, my work is beyond CRAZY right now. It is honestly probably crazier than I could even attempt to explain to anyone. I have been working 10-12 hour days for weeks now, and I'm still not able to get everything done. We just have sooooo many things happening at the same time at our office, and of course it all just happens to coincide with the timing of when my baby is supposed to come into this world - which makes it that much harder.

Honestly, work is stressful, and there are always times when it gets stressful, but I can learn to cope with the stress and I can get through things. What I cannot cope with right now is the sadness of my heart and the immense guilt I am feeling as a mother right now.

As we are getting ready for the upcoming birth of our second child, all I can think about is the change it will bring for our sweet Belle. And I feel like the WORST mother in the world because right as this major change in Belle's life and our family life is about to take place, I have been COMPLETELY absent from Belle's every day. I haven't been getting home until past her 8:00 bed time every night, and Dave has been keeping her up late so I can at least see her for a few min. before bed. And then I am still consumed in work on the weekends, so even when I am home with her, I cannot pay much attention to her because I am trying to get work done from home.

I am feeling horrible, because this is our last opportunity to provide Belle with individual attention, and she is just not getting it. I feel horrible that the next time she really gets to spend any quality time with me, there will be a new baby in the mix as well.

And although I am very aware of this fact, I feel like there is nothing I can do to change it. Because I simply cannot spend less time at work right now. I really do not even have the time I need before this baby is born to get everything done that needs to be done.

I realize family is my first priority and I want more than anything to make sure my family's needs are met. But I am torn as I am the main breadwinner in our family, and I have to provide financially for them as well. And sadly, the job that I have to provide those financial needs is requiring more of my time and energy than is ideal.

I truly hope that my little miss Isabelle knows how much I truly love her. And I hope that she will be able to adjust well to a new child in our family come next week. And I hope that she will forgive me for being such an absent mother in her early life. I cannot believe she is 3 already, and I feel like I have had to miss out on much of her first three years. My heart aches that I never had that one-on-one bonding time with my little girl while she was the only child.

My life

Here is a brief summary of my life at the moment:
- I manage a million dollar medical practice of about 15 employees.
- My billing manager quit a few weeks ago to be a mommy.
- I have taken over as the billing manager in addition to my office manager responsibilities. (Thank heavens I now have an asst biller to help with about 10 -12 hrs/ week of this full time position).
- Due to Obama's ridiculous changes in healthcare, I am busting my rear end to try and add new software and train my staff on that software which entails multiple additions to our existing software and practices. (on top of regular management duties)
- We are currently building a new office suite, for which I am currently acting as a co-  construction manager for (to save on costs). ( Again, on top of my normal duties).
- I am PRAYING construction is done by August 15th, so we can move on August 16th and 17th
- I am in charge of orchestrating this move and making sure we have new equipment and furniture in time as well.
- I am scheduled for a c-section on August 23rd (the week after the anticipated move).
- As I am a bit short handed in the management of the office, I will need to return to work the next week.

- Oh yeah, did I mention I also have a 3 yr old daughter and husband at home who are being painfully neglected by their wife and mother?
- Not to mention a small home that is also being neglected and in a world of chaos.

.... So if you are wondering why I say my life is crazy right now, it's because it is. Please do not ask me if I have time to add something else to my plate, do not ask me if I'm ready for baby, and do not ask me what my work plans after baby are. My brain is on overload and if I am required to add one more thing to my schedule, to my home, or to my thoughts, I just might snap.

From a working mom . . .

I have been wanting to write a post for a few days now about some of my recent thoughts and feelings on being a working mom, but of course, being a working mom, I've been sooooooo busy and so tired that I haven't gotten to it yet. :) Well, hopefully, I'll be able to remember all the thoughts I've been wanting to share to get them into this post.

On occasion the topic of working mom vs. stay-at-home mom comes up in church meetings, with co-workers, with friends, and with family. When the conversation comes up, I know that many times, judgement comes into play as well. I have heard stay-at-home moms often feel judged by working moms, and vice-versa. Which, honestly, I think is sad. It is sad that anyone would judge another on such intimate and personal decisions and sacrifices another family and person makes. I will admit that there have been few times where I have felt judged by another person for my decision to be a working mom, but I normally don't let it bother me, because I know that they do not understand my family's situation and they do not understand our needs and motivations. For the most part though, I feel like I am surrounded by supportive friends, family, ward members, and co-workers, so I haven't felt that "judgment" very harshly or fully in my own life.

For some reason though, I feel like I have grown a little more sensitive to the views of other people and I have felt an increase in being "judged" by others. It could be that I am expecting my second child and I am getting questioned about my work more often, and it could also be that I am pregnant, and more hormonal, and therefore just more sensitive than I usually am. No matter the reason, it has caused me to think a lot about the debatable topic.

I still don't feel like I really allow myself to get offended by others, because I feel like when it comes down to it, I have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings toward working moms that stay-at-home moms have, so I understand where they are coming from. It just so happens to be that I am in a different situation than they are, so I also know that their view might be a little bit more limited than mine (as mine is also more limited than theirs in a different way).

If there is one thing before anything else that I would like EVERYONE to know and understand about me, it is that I LOVE my family more than anything in this world. I love my children more than I could ever express to anyone in words, and I would do ANYTHING for them. I know and understand the divinity and sanctity of my calling as a mother, and I take it very seriously. I do ache to be able to spend more time at home with my little Belle and I ache to be able to spend more time at home when our new baby girl is born. I want them to know how much I love them; I want to be involved in all aspects of their growth and development; and I want to teach them their numbers and letters; I want to teach them to say please and thank you; I want to teach them about life; I want to take them to swim and dance lessons. In fact I want all those things so badly, that I make sure to do everything I can to keep as much involvement as possible in their lives. When I am not at work, I try to be with my daughter as much as I can. I do not involve myself in other hobbies or girl's nights, I rarely go out by myself (unless it is after she is in bed), and sadly, my husband and I do not even go out alone very often. And I am okay with those things, because I want to spend every possible spare moment with my kids as I can. I want to be involved in their lives as much as I can. I want my little Isabelle to know that even though I have to leave her every morning so I can go to work, that she is still going to get as much love and attention from me as I can possibly give her. I do not take my calling as a mother lightly, and I do not disregard the importance of my role in any way, shape, or form. And I am saddened if any stay-at-home mom thinks otherwise of working moms.

Another misconception that even I was guilty of before I was married that I would like to clear up, is that my husband is not lazy, and it's not as easy as him just "getting a job," and he does not take my working for granted in any way. Our situation is purely the result of LIFE. Everyone's life is different and everyone has different challenges handed to them. I work so that we can improve our life and try to overcome the challenges that we have encountered. I am working to support my husband through school as he has made a total career change from when we first married, including changing his major. Additionally, I am supporting him in his entrepreneurship goals as he has started his own business. For those who have started businesses before know that it is hard and takes a lot of work. It is especially hard when you are trying to do it while in school full time and being the main care-giver of a toddler. But he continues to work hard and has worked to grow the business and see things through. It has been a slow process, but a sure process. And he is doing all that he can to be the best husband, father, and provider he can be for our family.

I do know that many working moms do choose to work when financially they do not have to, and I am definitely not one to judge them for their choices, because maybe being a working mom makes them a better mom to their kids. I understand that there are different reasons for everybody for their life situation and for their choices. All that I hope and wish of them is that they are using prayer in their decisions and considering the needs of their families. If they are involving Heavenly Father in their decisions and keeping the needs of their family as #1, then I trust the choices they make are what is best for them, and that is all that matters.

Although there are many moms who "choose" to work, I'm sure it is no secret to most that my first choice would be to stay at home with my kids. However, I have made the choice to work outside the home for now  because ultimately, it is the BEST decision for my family at the moment. I value work, I value self-reliance, and I value partnership in a marriage and I want to teach my children those principles. If I were not working right now, I would not be living those principles and would therefore not be teaching them.

Work is usually not easy, and it always requires sacrifice, but it is an eternal principle. I want my children to learn to be hard workers. I also want them to appreciate any opportunity they are given to work (as there are so many people who would do anything to find a job). And I want them to know that work is and essential part of a healthy and fulfilling life. I work hard to EARN an income to help provide for my family, and I would not want our food and shelter and clothing provided to us in any other way. I want to do everything I possibly can to deserve the blessings we receive.

Which leads me the principle of self-reliance. Although many times there are legitimate needs for charities, donations, welfare, and outside support, I am lucky enough to be blessed with a job that allows us to bring in money to provide for ourselves. As long as I am able to be self-reliant, I will. I would never choose to put my family in a situation that we would require financial support from welfare programs. (Yet again, I do want to emphasize, there are times when that NEED is legitimate, and I would accept the support if it every became a NEED for us).

And of course as I mentioned I value MARRIAGE and the partnership that a true marriage is. I feel like I am fulfilling my role as a partner to my husband right now, by supporting him in his goals to finish school and to grow his business. I am supporting him by helping to provide financial support to our family. With the same regard, he is valuing our partnership by increasing his responsibilities in the home and caring for our daughter when he can at home, helping to keep our home clean, and making meals when needed (even though, he too, is incredibly busy with life outside the home). We are both trying to do our part in any way we can to make sure ALL of our family's needs are met - that they are getting the love and nurturing that they need, as well as the the food, shelter, and clothing that they need.

So if anyone out there is wondering why I am working, hopefully, now you know.

Along with everything else that I have rambled on about tonight, I want to make sure others understand that I know ANY true mother is going to make sacrifices to be the best wife and mom she can be. I know that many stay-at-home moms are making sacrifices to be at home - they might be sacrificing a cushier lifestyle or sacrificing their own enjoyment in working or progression in a great career. For heaven's sake, all stay-at-home moms are sacrificing a little bit of their sanity. Just as they are making sacrifices, so are working mothers. Working moms are sacrificing precious time with their young children. If they are like me, they are sacrificing order in the home (because my my home is definitely not always in the state I would like it to be). They are sacrificing "play-dates" with other moms, their chance to take their child to swim lessons in the summer, going on field trips with their elementary kids, or being a classroom mom.

No matter which situation we are in - at home full-time, working part-time, working full-time, or working over-time, we are all making sacrifices somewhere. But isn't that what moms do - we make sacrifices. Although your sacrifices might be different than mine, the intention is still the same and the love is still the same. We are being mothers.

My Beautiful Belle

In addition to posting about the recent events of our hospital stay, I also wanted to post about our beautiful daughter who means so much to me. Honestly, when I first heard I would be on bed rest in the hospital, before all the stresses of work and things to do at home set in, my first thought was how I would handle being away from my cute girl and how she would handle everything. I was so worried about her and so sad to have such a tough experience for her - for her mommy to be in the hospital for so long, and then by the time I'd finally be able to come home, she would have a new sister in the world (most likely in the NICU) requiring so much attention from us. My heart was hurting for my poor girl.

After things had calmed down that night, Dave left for a bit to go to the house to gather some of my belongings as well as get Belle in her pj's and ready for bed (to sleep at the neighbors). He said as soon as he knocked on their door, Belle came running out of their house, into ours, and into our kitchen looking for me. When I wasn't there, she sat on the kitchen floor, pouting, asking for Mommy. Hearing the story broke my heart.

The next day, my mother-in-law brought Belle to the hospital to see me. I think when she came in the room, she was in a bit of shock and didn't know what to think about me laying in that hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines. At first she didn't want to sit by me or really have much to do with me at all. Eventually, she started to warm up and came and laid in the bed next to me while she played games on my cell phone. After an hour or two at the hospital, Belle was growing tired, so Grandma took her home for a nap.

However, shortly after that, I was released from the hospital, and we came straight home. I could hear Belle crying upstairs in her bed asking for her mommy, and again, it broke my heart. I immediately went upstairs to see her with her Grandma laying in her bed next to her trying to comfort her. I went over to give her hugs and kisses, and she told me, "I was crying for you Mommy. I was sad because I don't want you to be in the hospital." Her tender little voice just made my heart melt. I was SOOOOOO glad to be home with my little girl and to have the blessing of more time with her. My mother-in-law told me that from the time they left the hospital, she just kept crying for me. I am so glad that Heavenly Father answered my little girl's prayers to let me come home.

Along with many other lessons that I learned during this rare sequence of events, I was reminded of the incredible love I have for my little girl. And I was reminded how much her life is about to change too, and that I need to be here for her. I am so glad that we still have a couple months to spend time with one another and to allow our bond to grow before we introduce her sister into our family.

Isabelle is such a special person and has been blessed with such a tender heart and great concern for those around her, especially those she loves. We are truly so lucky to have been blessed with such an incredible daughter, and I am so glad she is in our lives.